Thanks to television, film, and psychic hotlines, the terms psychic and mediumship have taken on some pretty outlandish images. Thoughts of crystal balls, thrashing about while channeling spirits, and spotting dead guys everywhere have clouded what being a psychic really means.
But just like women don’t have babies ten minutes after their water breaks, so too are those onscreen representations of psychics not to be trusted.
The reality is that most people are far more psychic than they realize.
Our natural state is one of receiving: receiving messages, thoughts, feelings, energy, intuition, and insights. In fact, the reason most people are unable to receive these things is because they are actively blocking them. But just like all action, blocking gets tiring and we let our guard down. It is in those moments that we accidentally receive psychic insights and don’t even notice it.
Have you ever had an “aha!” moment where suddenly a thought popped into your head clearer than you ever could have imagined?
That is the result of receiving a psychic block of thought, also referred to as clairaudience.
Clairaudience is not hearing some strange voice whispering in your ear or a loud voice booming from the heavens. Instead, clairaudient insights are often heard inside of your head and come disguised in your own voice.
Can you recall a time when you walked into a room and felt uneasy only to discover that those before you were having a heated argument?
This is the result of receiving a psychic insight through feeling, or clairsentience.
Clairsentience does not always mean that you feel a spirit hand touching your face or that you instantly know someone’s entire life story because you felt an emotion. Rather, receiving clairsentient insight may come through picking up an external feeling or the energy in a room. Even having a “bad feeling about this” can be the result of a clairsentient knowing.
Did you ever have a sense of knowing something about a person or a situation with no clue as to how you knew?
This out-of-nowhere knowing is the reception of intuition, or claircognizance.
Perhaps the most common psychic ability, though hardly recognized, claircognizance is the ability to “just know” things. It is a receiving from Spirit, collective unconscious, or whatever you wish to call the pot of all-knowing that is ever flowing and ever available.
Was there ever a time in your life when an image popped into your mind out of nowhere? Perhaps a face of someone familiar, a room you’ve never been in, an object that felt familiar or unfamiliar?
We have all had moments where something pops into our minds’ eye from seemingly nowhere. This is the receiving of a psychic image, or the most popular known psychic gift, clairvoyance.
“I see dead people” is far from the norm for clairvoyant experiences. Rather, catching glimmers of light out of the side of your eye, experiencing vivid and colorful dreams, and seeing things in your mind are all signs of clairvoyant experiences.
Through practice, it is possible to hone in on each of these psychic abilities and grow them to film-sized grandeur. But most do not need to get to this point in order to understand and use their gifts. We are constantly receiving knowing from the Universe and the Divine, and every so often we let our guard down and allow it in.
If you wish to dig deeper into your psychic gifts, all it takes is learning how to lessen your resistance. The first step to that is accepting that psychic gifts are normal and common and that you do, in fact, have them even if you’ve never quite taken the credit.
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An empath is one who has the ability to feel the emotions of those around them, from people to animals to plants. They absorb the emotional energy of others and take it on as their own, causing them to experience exactly the same emotional effects in their own bodies.
Empaths go beyond empathy caused by the heightened sensory of awareness. Instead, they physically absorb the emotional energy of another causing them to feel exactly what another feels even if they are unable to empathize.
As everyone around us is constantly experiencing an array of emotions, empaths find themselves feeling frequently out of control and ultimately exhausted. For an empath who is unaware of what they are experiencing, life drags them down overtime and leaves them used up and burnt out. Even empaths who have discovered their abilities may still find themselves struggling to understand how to turn off their gifts and find any emotional reprieve.
It becomes difficult for a newly aware empath to feel in control of their own emotions. They wind up running around trying to please those around them in order to absorb higher vibration emotions. Ultimately, this is an impossible feat and the empath is left feeling like a failure, more depleted than when they first began. Continuing down this road leads to co-dependent behaviors, toxic relationships, empath fatigue, anxiety, burn out, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.
Empaths are left feeling like victims to a world filled with negativity, unable to fix those around them and feeling incapable to control their gifts.
Turn the Tables
The main theme in the life of an empath is lack of control. Being born with or developing gifts which they never asked for, feeling thrust into a position of responsibility that they didn’t want, and becoming overrun by external emotional energies that they cannot alter compile into an overwhelming tidal wave of chaos.
In order to find the relief they seek, an empath is left with but one option: regain control.
Empaths believe that they absorb the emotions of others and they affirm this to themselves almost daily, even without recognizing it. Each time they feel out of control, they are giving away their personal power. Each time they explain their gifts, they are saying that they absorb emotions. In many cases, empaths believe they have no other choice and thus continue to affirm to themselves that they are helpless in these gifts.
Instead, try turning the tables. Affirm to yourself your personal power within your gifts. Rather than saying “I am an empath and I absorb the emotions of others,” try tweaking it slightly:
I am an empath and I allow myself to absorb the emotions of others.
It may be difficult to believe, especially after a lifetime of feeling as though your gifts are not within your control. But the reality is that they can be. As you continue to affirm to yourself that you are allowing yourself to absorb the emotions of others, you will begin to shift your paradigms and regain your personal power.
As you slowly believe that you are, in fact, in control over what you absorb and what you close off, you will begin to attract things into your life which will give you the tools to make this a reality.
Being an empath does not mean you give all of your power away. Instead, it is recognizing how much power you have and learning how to use your gifts.
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An eCourse in finding emotional stability amidst the energies of others.
Everything is energy and all of our energy is connected through a never ending stream of channels, waves, and cords. There are varying frequencies of energy which we interpret through different senses. Color is energy waves interpreted through our sense of sight. Emotions are energy waves interpreted through clairsentience, or sense of feeling. Even bodies and physical objects are energy interpreted through sight, smell, and touch.
Each one of us offers our own unique waves of energy which are interpreted by ourselves and those around us. While our bodies, voices, smells, and even emotions, are easily processed due to a lifetime of practicing these interpretations, some energy which is not practiced but still experienced may be more difficult to pinpoint.
Energetic cords are a type of connected energy. These cords represent our spiritual energy, housing emotions, conscious and subconscious thoughts, and our individual experiences with those around us. They are the way in which we remain connected to other spiritual bodies through everyday experience.
These cords can connect us to people, places, and things, as everything houses a spiritual energy. Due to the fact that we are all constantly flowing energy waves and particles, our energetic energy flows outward towards others through cords and the energy of others flows towards us in the same manner.
Essentially, this means that your thoughts, energy, and emotions can create a cord connection with another, but another’s thoughts, energy, and emotions can also attach a cord to you.
This is the reason you may suddenly think of someone you haven’t thought of in quite some time. Or experience an emotion at the same time as distant loved one. Sometimes these cords can affect your vibration, holding you back from moving forward in your life like a boat tethered to shore.
It can be impossible to pinpoint the number of cords attaching and detaching from you in any given day because energy is always flowing and we are always connected at varying levels to those around us. The cords that matter the most are those which are consistent and practiced, or emotionally and energetically charged.
Mindful Cord Selection
There are a variety of meditations or techniques which are practiced in order to cleanse yourself of energetic cords which are no longer serving you. These include visualizing a burning jump rope that slices off all the cords attached to your body or using a hula hoop running up and down your body in order to cause energetic separation.
While there is a time and a place to use these blanket techniques, energetic cord cutting is not something to be taken hastily. We were created to be connected to one another and sometimes cutting a cord quickly or prematurely can do more harm than good.
So how do you know which cords to cut and which cords to keep? Through mindful cord selection. This is the act of meditating on the variety of cords flowing to you and through you.
Emotional Awareness Cord Meditation
Sit or lay down in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Visualize yourself floating in empty space with nothing to be seen anywhere in the distance. It’s just you and the air.
Now start to think of people in your life, beginning with strangers you saw through the day like a cashier at the store or a passerby outside. As you think of them, notice the cords coming from your body. See their threadlike structure, appearing thin and weak. Effortlessly reach out and swipe them away, breaking the connection like a spiderweb. It feels easy and light.
Now begin to think of acquaintances and those you feel mildly connected to. See their cords as being a little thicker, more like yarn, coming to you and from you. Pick up a light pair of scissors and cut those cords. Notice how you feel as you cut each one. Does it feel light? Or do you feel a tinge of emotion in your solar plexus or heart chakra? Simply be mindful of these emotions as you cut each cord.
Continue on, thinking of more people in your life. Loved ones, parents, ex-friends, current friends, co-workers. See the cords flowing from your body. Notice that those who have been in your life the longest have thicker cords. Your loved ones create cords flowing like pipes filled with bright energy. Allow your mind to fill in the sizes of the cords as you visualize each person.
Listen to your emotions as you clip each cord. Continue clipping those that feel easy. With each cut, pay attention to how you feel, physically and emotionally. Consider clipping a thick cord, attached to someone you don’t want to lose. Feel that twinge in your stomach, in your chest. Feel the affect on your body as you bring the scissors closer to that cord. Don’t cut it, just notice the feeling as you consider it.
While you go through each cord, cutting those that feel easy and feeling the dis-ease within yourself as you consider the heavier ones, don’t worry too much about decision making, but rather remain mindful of how each cord makes you feel. These emotions point to the weight of each cord and the depth to which you are connected.
Take Care of Yourself
Regardless of whether the cord is helpful or hurtful, cutting cords which cause you dis-ease result in a traumatic energetic experience. One that requires more than a simple meditation to work through.
After this meditation, with this newfound knowledge of the energy which connects you to those in your life, you can take the strides necessary to heal those you need to cut out as you slowly work through that cord. Allow yourself grief and time, and treat yourself as you would if you had physically cut yourself and needed to heal.
Cord cutting on the surface seems like a simple process to cleanse your energetic self, but hastily slashing through deep cords can leave lifelong wounds if not properly cared for. Energetic cords are not a bad thing, so take the time to nurture those you wish to keep strong and heal those that once were a large channel to you.
If you find yourself having a difficult time with energy cords, it is helpful to seek the assistance of a trained professional or healer. In many cases, working with a therapist can assist in shrinking the size of the cord and allowing you to cut it easier at a later time.
Be patient with yourself and remember that these cords connect you with another person, but you still have control of the energy you allow within you and the energy you allow out.
Understanding Angelic Messages
For the longest time, I didn’t get the whole angel thing. And fairies? Yeah, right.
I was in many spiritual groups and circles and heard about angels and fairies almost daily. I would roll my eyes and move right along figuring it’s cool for them, but it’s just not my thing.
I considered myself a spiritual person, but not at the expense of logic and basic science.
But as I continued on in my journey, digging deeper into psychology and learning about alternative scientific theories not readily discussed, I started noticing some trends.
Carl Jung’s Progressive Findings
Anyone who knows me knows that I am an avid Carl Jung enthusiast. I have read several of his works and I am always left pondering the unspoken. He directs a great deal to the collective unconscious, particularly in his discussions on intuition. His initial writings merely pointed to a collective subconscious knowing of past events which called us to behave or think in certain ways, offering predetermined actions and reactions to the world around us.
However, as Jung advanced in his studies, delving into astrology, spiritually, and intuition, his writings on the collective unconscious deepened and the meaning of it expanded. He began experiencing dreams about the whole of humanity causing him to wonder if he was losing touch with reality. It wasn’t until later that he realized the connection between himself and, what he referred to as, “the second psychic system.”
Due to a series of paranormal events throughout Jung’s lifetime, some which even had him fearing that he was experiencing psychosis, Jung continued seeking and delving into the human mind. He later coined the term synchronicity to explain events in his life enhancing his belief in the collective unconscious and opening his eyes to the unus mundus (or “one world”).
He even went so far as to draw parallels between synchronistic events and quantum mechanics, discussing ideas with minds such as Albert Einstein and Wolfgang Pauli. Ultimately, Jung believed that synchronicity was a connection between the inner psychic knowing and the external world, offering a bridge between psyche and matter, believing that through using the mind, we can manifest a physical equivalent of our needs from the collective unconscious.
As the angel has been represented throughout history, Jung offered this archetype frequently as a means for the collective unconscious to come to us with messages and information in order to not only improve ourselves but the whole of the world around us.
Through this awareness, I slowly began to realize that, not only are angels continuously working in our lives, but they represent the whole of human knowing, offering us intuitive information any moment we request it, if only we can recognize their manifestations in our life and embrace our own ability to tap into this knowing.
How Angels Communicate
Angels, from the source of collective intelligence, are working in your life every single day. But just as our individual psyches differ, so too do angels manifest in different ways. Using our senses to translate the physical world around us, we manifest all that we need through means which we can physically interpret, including:
- Unexplainable, vivid dream states
- Synchronicities in numbers (111, 222, 333, etc.), animals, and events
- Hearing sounds or ringing in the ears
- Seeing visions, including the angel archetype
- Finding archetypal items, such as feathers, coins, flowers, or rainbows
- Feeling physical sensations, like tingling, temperature changes, or a soft touch
- Experiencing waves of emotions even when no one was around
These are just a handful of things most experience often and cannot express or explain. As an empath, discovering my abilities was eye-opening, but taking it further and recognizing that I am not alone on this journey explained things beyond what psychology and sociology was teaching me. It brought together science and psychology to explain and even enhance the spiritual experiences within my life.
The reality is that we are spiritual beings in physical bodies and we are not alone on our journey. There is an entire collective consciousness with as at all times. As empaths, we have sensitivities that allow us to connect with this consciousness, and angels offer a bridge between psyche and physical reality when we recognize not only their existence, but also how they communicate with us.
Sometimes, when an empath absorbs the emotions of another, the root of these emotions is clear cut and obvious. For example, seeing someone slamming on their horn and raging in traffic makes it simple to pinpoint why you suddenly feel angry. Or watching a reality show and the contestant messes up, a wave of embarrassment rushing through their body. It doesn’t take much emotional awareness to understand why you now feel the physical ache of embarrassment as well.
However, there are many times throughout the day when we feel fluctuating emotions without a clue as to whether they belong to us or to someone else. A moment of sudden sadness becomes confusing when we aren’t sure if it was linked to a passing thought or the energy of a passing person. Feeling global emotions can further confuse the situation.
When we are unable to pinpoint whether an emotion is genuinely ours or if it belongs to another, processing and releasing the emotion becomes difficult and sometimes impossible. Instead of moving forward, our energy is spent attempting to understand the emotion.
So what if there was an easier way to determine whether the emotions we feel belong to us or those around us?
Check In With Yourself
The first step to discovering the source of the emotion is figuring out exactly what it is. Conflicting emotions are common and can confuse the situation, so by separating what we are feeling and getting clear about the specific emotion, we can move toward discovering who the emotion belongs to.
In order to do this, it is important to check in with yourself. Ask yourself how you are feeling right now. But don’t just feel the emotion, give it a label too. Make the label as specific is possible. Instead of saying you feel sadness, take it further and decide if it is grief, regret, longing, hopelessness, boredom, or some other label.
The idea behind labeling it is not to box it in or offer the emotion judgment, but instead to become very clear about what exactly the emotion is and how it feels in your body.
Yours or Theirs?
After you have honed in and labeled the emotion, it’s time to determine whether this emotion belongs to you or someone else.
Emotions that are not yours, but instead are frequencies that you are absorbing tend to have some common characteristics. Take the label that you have assigned your emotional state and ask yourself a few questions:
1. Did this emotion pop up out of the blue or does it have a clear cause? Usually feelings, both physical and emotional, do not pop up out of the blue. If you experience a sudden change in how you feel without an obvious cause, it may be a sign that the feeling is being picked up from someone else.
2. How strong or weak is this emotion? When picking up other people’s energies, they tend to manifest in our bodies as very weak, almost difficult to detect, or blaringly strong. Most people feel day to day moods on a temperate scale, short of obvious instances like elation, surprise or anger, so if a feeling seems to be mild or overtly strong (without clear cause), it may belong to someone else.
3. Does this emotion conflict with how I believe I should feel right now? While it is definitely possible to have two conflicting emotions at one time, it is rare that one is not stronger than the other. If the emotions you are feeling seem to conflict strongly, almost as though they are competing for your attention, one might not be yours.
4. Is this feeling familiar or is this something I haven’t really experienced before? Most people, given their lives of ups and downs, have learned how their emotions feel. Anger, sadness, and joy are all very familiar. But each person feels these emotions in a different way. If you feel an emotion that seems unfamiliar or confusing, one where you may not be able to give it a name, this may be a feeling coming from an outside source. Empaths have the ability to feel exactly what those around them feel, even if that means it is an emotion outside of their normal realm of understanding.
Check in with yourself four or five times throughout the day and label your emotions. After you have a label, ask yourself the four questions listed above and try to decide whether the emotion belongs to you or if you think it may be from someone else.
Try not to get discouraged if things still seem confusing at first. Learning to distinguish your emotions from others will take a great deal of practice since you are essentially challenging what has always been your norm. Start with those that feel easier and move on to more complex emotions as you continue to practice.
If you are still struggling, consider using alternative techniques such as the Emotional Freedom Technique which can also help you quickly understand which emotions belong to you. I offer an in-depth look at how to use this technique in my Empath’s Guide to Emotional Freedom Techniques program.
How Your Empathy is Affecting Your Health
“The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well.” – Hippocrates
Since ancient times, there has been the belief that our mind has the power to alter the health of our body, both for the positive and negative. Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurvedic medicine have both emphasized the connection between our mind and our body and this link has continued to pop up through more modern research and studies.
In the 1960s, the field of psychoneuroimmunology emerged when psychiatrist Dr. George Solomon began to notice a direct link between emotions and the immune system.
”Mind and body are inseparable.” Dr. George Solomon, Former Chief of Psychoneuroimmunology at the Veterans Affairs Medical Center
In the 1970s, Herbert Benson studied how relaxation techniques affected blood sugar. On to the 1980s, when David Spiegel, the Director of the Psychosocial Research Laboratory at Stanford University, studied a group of women with breast cancer, speculating that stress reduction and social support would alter the course of their metastatic breast cancer treatment. His findings were that those who participated in supportive–expressive group therapy not only lived longer, but also experienced substantially less pain and a better quality of life.
“According to the mind–body or biopsychosocial paradigm, which supercedes the older biomedical model, there is no real division between mind and body because of networks of communication that exist between the brain and neurological, endocrine and immune systems,” said Oakley Ray, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, Psychiatry and Pharmacology at Vanderbilt University
Within the last 15 years, studies have been conducted on using group therapy, stress-reduction techniques and cognitive behavioral therapy on cancer patients, AIDS patients, and those who have undergone bone marrow transplants. One study focused on men who were HIV-positive to determine how their health was affected through cognitive behavioral therapy. Researchers believed that an improved emotional state reduced the viral load in patients.
“Now, it is widely accepted that sleep is healing, emotional stress can be dangerous, exercise and relaxation are therapeutic and that psychological well-being may protect one from disease.” – Dr. Peter Whybrow, Chair, Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences
All of this research to point to the reality that our minds hold the ability to change our physical health. Through altering our thinking, we can shift our emotional state to one that allows for full body healing. However, when our emotional state is in dis-ease, our bodies suffer the consequences.
Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life and founder of HealYourLife.com, has taken this mind-body connection a step further and through studying the connections between our thinking and our health has narrowed down how certain emotions affect specific parts of our bodies. In the book, Hay outlines the causes of symptoms as well as affirmations one can use in order to heal themselves through the power of their mind.
What this means for empaths
As empaths, our emotional state is often fluctuating and, in many instances, we allow the emotions of others to alter our personal state and therefore our personal health. In toxic environments or areas of our life where we are frequently subjected to emotions that affect our own, these disturbances can grow to the point that they cause illness, ailments, and disease in our overall health.
Here is a list of common ailments empaths face based on their ability to absorb the emotions of those around them:
Back pain is growing more common in today’s stressful world, and empaths are no different. Each area of the back points to a different emotional meaning:
- Lower back pain stems from an imbalanced root chakra and is caused by fear, particularly over our financial situation and safety. (If you suffer from frequent back pain, you may benefit from the Root Chakra Cleansing Intensive.)
- Middle back pain is caused by guilt, a common emotion for empaths. Because of our ability to be aware of more than the average person, we feel responsible for more as well. Releasing guilt over things that are not under our control is a great way to begin feeling relief over mid-back aches.
- Upper back pain comes from a lack of emotional support or feeling unloved. Empaths frequently carry the burdens of others and feel as though no one is available to help carry theirs. This leaves them to juggle their emotions all alone, causing pain in the upper back.
Shoulder pain is a direct result of feeling as though you are carrying the world on your shoulders. Similar to upper back pain, empaths carry a great deal around with them day in and day out, lending to sore, stiff, or rounded shoulders.
High Blood Pressure
High blood pressure is often a sign of a long term emotional problem which has gone unnoticed, suppressed, or ignored. Whether this emotion is our own or comes from a perpetual negative situation, it creeps in and affects our physical health, elevating blood pressure over time.
Chronic Nasal Congestion/Hay Fever
Any congestion in our nasal passageways is caused by emotional congestion, or feeling stuffed full of emotions. Through denying our own ability to handle the overwhelm of emotions, empaths begin to feel emotionally, and then physically, clogged.
Autoimmune diseases are the body’s manifestation of emotionally attacking ourselves. Feeling anger, lack of self-love, and believing we deserve to be punished are common for empaths who believe that something is wrong with them. Wishing you were different exasperates this self-attacking state.
High cholesterol is a manifestation of our emotional inability to accept joy in our lives. Because of our ability to see the woes and pain around us, we can often feel guilty for feeling good, thus blocking our ability to experience joy and causing emotions which manifest elevated cholesterol levels.
Frequently experiencing the common cold is a sign of mental confusion and overwhelm. By not taking the time to focus on ourselves and release all the emotions we absorb, empaths frequently experience a confused or clouded state. If you find yourself wondering why you are always sick, consider taking more time to meditate and release some of the mental clutter.
Gallstones are a sign of bitterness and condemnation toward others. If an empath does not take time to focus on self-care and instead allows their boundaries to be crossed, it is common to grow bitter toward those around us, including loved ones. If this martyrdom continues over time, gall bladder issues are sure to arise.
Headaches are a symptom of self-criticism. Emotionally attacking ourselves for who we are, how we think, or what we do leads to this physical manifestation. Invalidating thoughts like we aren’t enough or that we do everything wrong can lead to chronic migraines. (If you relate to this, you may find relief through the Crown Chakra Cleansing Intensive).
A sore throat or any throat problem is a sign of one’s inability to speak up or express emotions. Empaths tend to keep quiet as to not ruffle feathers, despite having strong feelings about the world around them. Feeling pain in the throat is the physical symptom of this inability to speak up for oneself.
Our current emotional state directly creates the physical symptoms we experience throughout life. As empaths, absorbing the emotions of another and taking them on as our own only further confuses this reality. By making it a point to notice our feelings and process them appropriately, as well as using the power of our thoughts to change our emotional state, even empaths have the ability to completely heal our lives.
Empaths naturally carry a heavy load throughout the day. Often times highly sensitive people, the empath feels an intense level of fluctuating emotions in response to things occurring around them. Add to that their ability to absorb emotions outside of them and you have a recipe for daily fatigue.
What makes this exhaustion worse is the inability to escape it. For the average person, spending some time on the couch, relaxing to their favorite music, or a good night’s sleep is enough to leave them feeling refreshed. But for the empath, there is little escape.
Seclusion is of no use when you feel global emotions, or even the emotions of loved ones, regardless of their location. Absorbing energy from objects, walls, the earth, or animals add into this overload of emotion. Then there are those who pick up energetic memories and the emotions of spirits. These empaths can feel as though they have no options for solitude.
The bottom line is that everything around us is energy and empaths, being heavily affected by this energy, have little or no escape.
At the end of the day, as an empath crawls into bed, they hope for an emotional escape in their slumber, only to enter an overactive dream state. Lucid dreams, vibrant colors and vivid events of past, present, and future. Uncontrollable whirlwinds of emotions overtaking their mental and physical state without conscious reprieve. Spiritual intruders, entering the dream state and even luring them to different places and out of body experiences.
Empaths often find themselves waking up even more exhausted, tensed, and stressed than before they fell asleep.
How to find relief
As miserable and hopeless as this constant state of exhaustion may seem, there are ways to overcome this fatigue. As you begin to search for relief through using the following tips, be patient with yourself and know that it will take practice to overcome a lifetime of feeling tired.
Remember feeling refreshed
When you are immersed in empath fatigue, dragging yourself through every moment, it can be difficult to remember what it feels like to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. But everyone has had times in their life when they have felt a higher level of energy. Recall those times, no matter how brief.
Perhaps it was a feeling of excitement over an upcoming event that offered a burst of energy. Maybe you can recall a vacation at a peaceful location that allowed you some emotional downtime. Call to mind as many times as you can when you felt relief from the overwhelm.
Dig deep into that memory and really feel how it felt to be relaxed and refreshed. Recall how your body felt, how your breath eased. Remember the peaceful smile on your face; the one that takes no effort and no muscles as it comes from deep within and fills your face. Just be in this memory for a few moments.
As you do this, your body will respond to the memory as though it is occurring right now. You will offer yourself the reprieve of fatigue without having to change your current reality. The escape in your mind reminds you that it is possible to feel refreshed and the effortless nature of remembering doesn’t add any more to your plate.
Have you ever had a time when you were so fed up with all the emotional weight you’ve been carrying that you vowed to stop? You told yourself, loudly and proudly, enough! Just as a person making a New Year’s resolution, in that moment of clarity and decision, you felt a burst of energetic pride, ready to take on your new found resolve.
When you made this declaration, you used your thoughts to give yourself a burst of energy. Through your clarity, you were able to gain a higher energetic state. You may be telling yourself that it never lasts, but by giving yourself that moment and recognizing the relief you felt, you can push that feeling further and further each time, until it gains greater momentum.
Making a decision, using the power of your mind to be deliberate in your life and take control of the way you want to feel, offers a burst of energy you didn’t know was dormant within you. A great deal of our exhaustion comes from confusion and feeling out of control. Simply making a decision, any decision, no matter how big or small, will give you clarity that brings with it this life force of energy.
Fatigue comes from lower vibrational emotions. When we consistently feel emotions that fall in a lower frequency, we begin to feel as though we are wading through sludge. As empaths surrounded by a world filled with those who are stressed, bored, lonely, sad, and fatigued themselves, we become immersed in lower frequencies, dragging us down so consistently to the point that it feels normal.
When we are in these low frequency emotions, higher frequency emotions appear exhausting as we are viewing them from a place of no energy. We recognize that with joy, happiness, and excitement comes action and that action sounds impossible when we are exhausted. But this perception is skewed as it assumes that we will remain fatigued in those higher vibrational emotions.
The reality is that as you work your way up the emotional scale, your energy increases exponentially. So how do you reach for higher frequency emotions when you feel so exhausted? By shifting your thoughts ever so slightly to achieve an emotion just higher than your current state.
Find your current emotion on the chart below, then feel around for thoughts that bring you one step higher. For example, if you feel regret over something in your past, search for thoughts that shift you to blame. Don’t judge the emotion of blame as something negative. Instead, embrace those thoughts of blame. In that moment, notice how you feel more empowered, offering a slight energy burst.
From there, keep working your way up, without judgement of your emotions. Enjoy going through the stages in your mind, from blame to grief, to anger, up to contentment, and eventually action. Take your time and don’t try to leap too far too fast up the scale. Instead, enjoy any moment of improved emotion and relish in the small uplift of energy.
Notice and appreciate it
We all have moments throughout the day where we feel less exhausted than others. They may be short-lived, and usually come from a shift in perspective or thoughts. Often times, these moments go unnoticed in a chronic state of exhaustion. We start thinking thoughts like, I am always tired and I can never get a break. These thoughts continue to perpetuate our belief that we never have energy, glossing over the reality that sometimes we do.
Throughout the day, take note of each and every moment that you feel refreshed and elevated, no matter how brief. Consider keeping a journal and rating your level of energy throughout the day on a scale of 1 (extreme fatigue) to 10 (energized). At the end of the day, allow yourself to feel excited over every number increase, whether from a 3 to a 7 or as small as a 1 to a 2. Each of these increases will remind you that it is possible to have a higher level of energy.
Appreciate these higher levels rather than judging them as not being enough. The more you find yourself appreciating every moment you feel relief, refreshed, or mildly energized, you will see more and more moments appear in your life to ease the fatigue.
It’s all in your mind
Have you ever felt so excited about something (a project, an event, etc.) that you could hardly sleep despite consciously knowing that you should be tired? I liken it to the night before Christmas as a child. Your level of emotion is so high that you feel like you could go forever without sleep.
This is because feeling fatigue is all a state of mind. And our state of mind can be changed in an instant. By using the tips mentioned on a regular basis, you can slowly shift your state of mind and the belief that you have always been and therefore will always be tired. You can overcome your fatigue without changing your circumstances, by simply changing your thoughts about the world.
Recall when you have felt refreshed, gain clarity in your life, reach for a higher frequency emotion, and appreciate each and every moment you feel a little relief. By doing these things consistently, you will notice a gradual shift in your everyday level of energy and may even find yourself enjoying the road to an improved state of being.
Instead of saying, I am always tired or I wish I could get a break, begin today by pivoting these thoughts to a better reality:
I have felt refreshed before and can feel refreshed again.
I am able to give myself a break.
I can find energy because I am energy.
Want to go further?
In the Take Back Your Emotions program, I walk you through the steps to begin taking back your life amidst the energies of those around you.
These steps have helped my clients free themselves from the overwhelm of emotions, establish and hold their boundaries without guilt, and begin to see the light in their gifts.
Don’t wait to offer yourself the same compassion you give to those around you. Head over and get started today.
The holiday season is upon us and so is the stress of finding the perfect gift for those in our lives. INFJs enjoy receiving gifts just like everyone else, but snatching some superficial trinket may feel a little materialistic or empty. Instead, if you are looking for a gift to spark the depth and warmth of the INFJ in your life, look for things that hold greater meaning and purpose in their lives.
Some ideas may include:
- Gifts that encourage personal exploration and understanding, such as self-help books or tickets to seminars
- Something that shows you listen closely to their wants and desires
- Music that warms their heart and fills their soul
- A donation in their name to a charity they passionately support
- A gift that relates to a personal memory, whether their own or a mutual special occasion
- Supplies to encourage a personal hobby, like art supplies, notebooks, gardening tools, etc.
The goal is to offer them gifts with purpose that go a little deeper than the material they are made from. If you are looking for suggestions, check out some of these ideas:
INFJs love nothing more than to feel understood and to understand. This self-help book will offer the INFJ in your life deeper insight into who they are as well as practical advice they can apply to their every day life.
The force is strong with this one. Act fast to grab this INFJ Jedi tee as it is only available for a limited time!
Enjoy your coffee or tea while reminding the world of your super intuition with this white coffee mug reading “INFJ: If you can read this, I can read your soul.”
INFJs love to temporarily escape reality and control their emotions through the sounds of music. Allow them this escape with the gift of the Beats Pill.
Save them money and several trips to the bookstore with a Kindle E-reader, allowing them to take their love of fiction and fantasy anywhere they go.
If you are in a relationship with an INFJ then this book can benefit both of you. Offering insight into the INFJ mind, this book helps deepen your relationship and enhance communication.
The mind of an INFJ is always full and active. Give them the gift of sanity with these easy-to-use bullet journaling system where they can take their thoughts and organize them on paper.
Show pride in being a member of the 1.5 percentile with this women’s tee.
Still not finding what you’re looking for? Search Amazon for an array of INFJ Merchandise and books!
Understanding the INFJ Shadow Functions
Each Myers-Briggs personality type has eight cognitive functions. These functions make up the way in which we receive, process, interpret, and transmit information. They are essentially the blue print for how the brain operates.
While all personality types have the same cognitive functions, it is their order which determines one’s personality type.
These functions can be split up into two groups:
- Primary functions which are more developed and make up the majority of your cognitive processes.
- Shadow functions which tend to work on a covert level in the subconscious.
While we have addressed the four primary functions before, the shadow functions tend to go overlooked. These processes are actually responsible for a large amount of our negative thoughts and behavior which pop up in times of discomfort, stress, fear, or threat.
Here is a glimpse into how the INFJ’s shadow processes function and play out through our shadow selves:
Extroverted iNtuition (Ne)
This process allows us to hold a host of ideas and possibilities in our mind at once. It weaves together a variety of outcomes and thoughts to create strategies for tackling situations.
This piece of us is also what makes an INFJ stubborn. The ability to see a variety of perspectives makes it easy for us to poke holes in another’s stance or arguments, making us say things we’ll regret later.
Also check out:
Introverted Feeling (Fi)
This is the process through which information is filtered and decided whether it fits within our value system or works against it. Often working as a gut reaction more than logical thoughts, Fi allows us to assess the world around us against that which we already believe.
This is also, unfortunately, the critical piece of our personality which causes INFJs to be passionately judgmental against the actions and beliefs of others. It fuels us to attack those who appear to be a threat to our values.
Extroverted Thinking (Te)
Te categorizes our environment. It takes all the external data fed into our minds and arranges it in neat and concise categories allowing for efficient thinking and action.
This role is great at deceiving us into thinking things are more important than they really are. Based entirely in data, it excludes emotional reasoning, leading us to jump full steam into things that appear necessary on paper but are, in all actuality, pointless or a waste of time.
Introverted Sensing (Si)
This process is like the computer of the mind. It is all about comparing and contrasting existing data. People, events, situations, bodily responses, or any factual sensory information is compared to previous or similar situations to make assessments and evaluations.
As feelers, INFJs use this process in an extremely negative way. Because we respond to many events with a clear layer of emotions, similar events become triggering in biased ways. Seeing someone who appears similar to another who has harmed us brings about unfair calculations. We may be tricked into thinking an idea is good because it brings up positive feelings associated to previous similar situations. These instant comparisons cause us to make decisions or act in ways we regret later.
While these four shadow functions often play a negative role in our thoughts and behaviors, it is important to recognize that they are not in and of themselves negative functions. In fact, within our subconscious mind, they are often working in helpful manners which can enhance our primary functions. The key to bringing these positive traits to light is through understanding each function’s purpose and learning how to flip them around, making them work for us instead of against us.
I cover exactly how to recognize the ways in which the shadow functions appear in our daily lives and how to flip them around, utilizing their positive traits and shining light on our shadow self in the program, Emerge from the Shadows.
Finding Relief in Your Empathic Abilities
“How do I turn it off?”
This is the number one question that brings people to me and my website.
The overwhelm of feeling the emotions of others builds and builds, leaving empaths to feel helpless and desperate, hoping to find any answer to simply turn it off and find some reprieve.
It’s exhausting and heavy and draining and it is no wonder that we spend so much time just trying to stop it. To feel a life of even emotions where we are in control every moment of the day. It sounds like a pipe dream to many, but it is possible. How?
By turning empathy into compassion.
While these two terms may sound synonymous, they are actually dramatically different. Empathy is feeling the emotions of another. While most experience empathy as a piece of sympathy, able to consciously put themselves in the situation of another, empaths do this involuntarily, all day, every day, in every situation. The emotions of another cause them to shift their own emotional energy, even without their consent.
Empathy leaves us feeling emotions we would rather not feel. The struggles of another bring down our energy, leaving us feeling sluggish, heavy, or even crippled. We long to help and heal, but feel too heavily the weight of another to offer much assistance.
Compassion, in contrast to empathy, is feeling your own emotions while offering sympathy to another.
Compassion is the basis from which we are able to aid those who are in need. Offer a shoulder to cry on, give resources and time, and make plans of action to help those suffering around us. Compassion keeps us in control of both our emotions and our situation.
Empathy is crippling. Compassion is empowering.
When an empath absorbs the emotions of another in despair, their need to help comes from a desperation to end the pain. The steps they take are then made less effective and both parties suffer together, hoping for a cure to emerge from anywhere.
However, when able to remain in control of their emotions, deciding to feel powerful, joyful, and especially hopeful, the empath can now look at those suffering and offer them compassion from a place where they are able to assist. They can look at another’s suffering and choose to feel positively. From this space, they can create the very cure they would normally long for.
Compassion allows the empath to remain elevated, lifting up those around them, instead of emotionally falling down the trail of despair.
“How do I turn it off?”
You make the choice to choose compassion over empathy. You use your empathic abilities to feel how they are feeling greater than anyone else around you, then you make a choice to not feel the same way. You make a choice to feel good – to feel joy and hope – and from there you can be the help they need.
There is nothing wrong with being an empath. Your abilities allow you to recognize where compassion is needed the most. Recognize the empathy, acknowledge the emotions, and allow yourself to release them in order to fill yourself with the empowerment of compassion.
If you are struggling with how to release the emotions of others, I cover this and more in the Take Back Your Emotions program. Not only will you better learn how to cope with your empathic abilities, but also grow in your gifts to help those around you.