Signs You’re Hurting Others More than You’re Helping Them

You know that your calling in life is to help others.  You know that you feel at your best when you are aiding another in becoming the best version of themselves.  You know things about others and see things in them that they themselves can’t readily see.

You were born to be a healer.

But, in your well-meaning attempt to help those around you, are you actually hurting them more than you’re helping them?

Consider the following signs in your relationships and everyday life to see if you are using your empathy in a manner which helps or hurts both yourself and those around you.


Signs you are hurting more than helping:


You feel worse. When you are helping others, even though you may feel a little pride in your ability to help them, you ultimately end up feeling worse.  Drained, empty, or depressed, you are left feeling like you either didn’t do enough or you were unsuccessful in your attempts to assist. You start to feel like you’d be better off ignoring them or leaving the situation because you feel awful in their presence, but you can’t shake the guilt that you may be abandoning them.

When you feel responsible for the outcome of aiding another, you feel powerless and at the whim of their choices.  You begin to help from a place that believes they are incapable of helping themselves, dis-empowering them and making them dependent upon you.  This dance creates an unhealthy and perpetual cycle that makes you feel worse than when you began.

They keep coming back for more help.  No matter how much assistance you give them, they just keep coming back and often for the same reasons.  It starts to feel as though they cannot stand on their own without you and every time they come back, you feel like you are saying the same things over and over again.  You may begin to feel angry or resentful in the relationship.  You are essentially giving them a proverbial fish rather than assisting them in finding the tools to get their own.

You continuously attract people who believe that only you can help them. They come to you pleading for your assistance, even if they have nothing to give in return, and expect you to help them.  They may even leave you feeling guilty if you are unable to offer them your time or energy, making you feel solely responsible for their continued suffering.

You attract complainers who never take the steps to improve their situation.  Everyone vents at points in their life, but the difference between venting frustrations and complaining is the action taken after the emotions are expressed.  Continually attracting people who complain and complain but never take your advice or take any steps in a direction to improve their situation may be a sign that you are enabling them rather than helping them.

You only feel good when you have succeeded in helping someone else.  It is natural to feel good when you see another’s success, but if you only feel good when someone else improves their life, then you are making how you feel conditional upon the actions of another.  You become too dependent on the outcome of your advice and are more likely to meddle where you shouldn’t be.  No one’s success can be dependent upon anyone else, and if you operate from this place, then you will find yourself in enabling and codependent situations.

You feel overwhelmed by all the negative things you see in the world.  Everywhere you look, you see pain and suffering.  You start to ache at the very thought of getting out of bed because you feel there isn’t enough you can do to improve the world around you.  Perhaps you fall into depression or just feel tired at the thought of all the lower vibrational emotions.  The cashier is sad, the car driver next to you is angry, your friend is struggling, and your mom needs you again. It starts to feel like a chore to see the good in anyone.


Each one of these are a sign that by attempting to help others, you are being brought down by the negativity in the world, causing you to become a part of the very thing you wish you could fix.  It leaves you believing that you are solely responsible for the life or actions of another, creating codependency and ultimately hurting yourself and those around you.

So what does it look like when we are using our empathy to help?


Signs you are helping more than hurting:


You feel empowered. When you can offer assistance to someone else and then remove yourself from the equation or the outcome, you begin to feel empowered.  You know that you have given them as much as you comfortably could and you have faith in their ability to come out on top.  When you empower others, it leaves you feeling empowered.

You attract people who want to improve their lives.  Those around you who are interested in the help you have to offer are coming to you in order to improve their own lives.  They aren’t looking to you to fix them, but rather are seeking the knowledge of your experiences in order to fix themselves.

These people believe they have the power to heal their own life and are actively looking for a variety of resources to provide the assistance they need.  If you are unable to help them, they don’t give up or blame you.  Instead, they take responsibility and continue to seek other resources to improve themselves and their lives.

You see the beauty in every person you meet.  Negativity doesn’t matter as much when you cannot help but see the amazing beacon of light coming from those around you.  The homeless man on the street makes you light up as you see his strength and endurance.  The mom and pop shop up the street that is going out of business doesn’t make you weep for society, but instead you can’t wait to see them amazing things in store for them next.

You look beyond the struggles of those around you and see deep into the beauty of their heart, knowing they have the strength to overcome whatever life throws at them and that they will come out on the other side even more beautiful than before.

You believe your empathy is a gift, not a curse.  When you can start to see that your empathy is a positive trait within yourself, you begin to pull yourself out of the very frequency which was attracting those who felt their own gifts were a curse.  Self-love and self-acceptance becomes your default and from this place you can show others how to take the pieces of themselves that they view negatively and flip them around to see the positive light.

People feel better by just being in your presence.  No one feels better around those who pity them.  It is impossible to feel pride or empowerment when another is focused on what you need to fix in your life.  When others beam in your presence, not because you are responsible for their emotions, but because you cannot help but love what you see within them, then they will want to be near you and may not even realize why.


When we come from a place of higher vibration and unconditional love, we can change the world.  If we allow ourselves to feel depleted, martyred, negative, or get pulled down into a place of struggling, then we have nothing to give others anyway.  You cannot give someone what you do not have and you cannot help another see the good when you are focused only on the bad.

Showing others that they have the power within themselves to transform their lives is a gift you can offer when you see this truth within yourself.

The Shirt, The Cause, The Spirit

Full disclosure: I purchased Sivana products at full price and opted to give this review based on my personal, genuine opinion. While I have not received anything in return for this review, I do earn a small affiliate commission from any products purchased from the links on this website.

A little over a year ago, I had the pleasure of seeing an advertisement in my Facebook news feed that could not have been a better fit. It was the simplest concept and yet masterfully executed and it thrilled me to see it.  The advertisement was for a racerback tank top with the symbols of the seven chakras running delicately down the back, from Sivana Spirit.

I have seen chakra shirts quite often and even offer one myself, but the energy and style of this shirt really called to me.

Over time, it continued to pop up and eventually I found myself on Sivana’s website.  What began as a love for a shirt turned into reading about the lifesaving efforts of a phenomenal cause.  Not only did the company offer a unique style that fit me to a tee, I also loved their vision and really wanted to be a part of it.

Since then, I have become a lifelong customer to Sivana and enjoy spreading the word about the quality of their clothing and their passionate mission.


The Shirt

While Sivana offers a wide variety of products, I cannot promote their tees enough.  Each one is incredibly soft and flows beautifully offering a flattering and, above all, comfortable fit.  The colors are rich and the styles are unique.

Browse their collection and fall in love for yourself.


The Cause

With every purchase, Sivana is able to provide Fair Trade Jobs around the world as well as help provide Life Saving Vital Nutrient Programs for children in India.  With a focus on Vitamin A Deficiency Disorder, a disorder that causes anemia, blindness, and even death among children, Sivana provides children and nursing mothers with supplements that protect them from this disease.

The Spirit

Sivana, meaning “oasis of enlightenment,” offers products to enhance spiritual awakening, writing to encourage personal growth, and gives back on a global level.  They support those who spread their message and rightly so, as their products speak for themselves.

Head over and browse their selection of women’s and men’s clothing, yoga gear, chakra jewelry, mala beads, and so much more.  Be careful though.  Once you purchase one item, you may find yourself addicted for life!








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How to Give an Empathic Reading

Psychic readings are a fairly common occurrence.  People seek readings when they are feeling unsure or even just curious about their path.  Outside reassurance of what they already know or gaining a new perspective on something that’s within them can offer a variety of benefits when used correctly, fostering and enhancing personal growth.

While many are familiar with clairvoyant or intuitive readings, empathic readings can bring the same benefits from a different angle.  Empaths receive and translate blocks of insight through clairsentience, which means “clear feeling” or “clear sensing.”  Through using our ability to sense information energetically, emotionally, and physically, we can tap into another’s energy and offer them insights about their path.

If you are an empath, curious about how to begin offering empathic readings, consider these steps as you learn and practice:



We exist in an energetic world and energy is always flowing around us.  Inexperienced empaths will find that they are haphazardly connecting to energy streams all the time.  However, as you begin to hone in on your skills, you can recognize the easiest ways that you connect with another’s energy and do it on purpose.

Some empaths connect through sight, which means that they can tap into another’s energy stream by simply seeing them.  Others prefer sound, and need to hear their voice.  Perhaps you connect best through thought.  In this case, you may need to think about the person you are reading, their name, or anything you know about them.  Most empaths use several methods in order to connect.

In some readings, connection to another’s energy is instant and effortless.  However, there are times when connections are more difficult to establish.  In these instances, it works best to ask some questions whether about what they are seeking from you, how they are currently feeling, or any other information you feel called to request.

Never feel ashamed about needing to gather more information before you do your reading.  This is not indicative of your abilities, but rather a sign that you are aware of whether or not you have connected prior to giving the reading.



Once you have connected, you will begin receiving information through your clairsentience.  Allow yourself a moment to let this information come and then begin to translate it to the recipient.  Translation may come about through a variety of ways, and knowing the best way for you will allow you to set up a reading space which aids this translation.

For example, if you translate through written word, consider keeping pen and paper or a typerwriter handy or even doing remote readings through the internet.  Maybe you translate through speech, in which case telephone, Skype, or face-to-face readings will be your best modality.  For a list of the different ways in which mediums channel information, take a moment to read about the Five Types of Mediumship.


Use Tools

Just as in every profession, there are ample tools available that can aid and enhance your empathic reading abilities.  Some prefer cards, such as tarot, oracle, or angel cards.  Others use astrology in their readings. Incense and pure essential oils can assist in heightening your connection and improving your clarity.

While tools are wonderful to enhance an empathic reading, use caution to not rely on them solely as they may hinder the clarity you are capable of receiving.  Just as with any tool, practice will increase your ability to work with them.


Be Humble & Patient

It is always important to remember while offering a reading that you are channeling information which you are receiving.  This information is coming through you and may be misinterpreted or mis-received by you.  We are all humans, carrying our own energies and emotions.  You may offer information which is inaccurate or even struggle to connect with another’s energy.

In these instances, remember to be humble and remind those that you are giving readings to that it is not always an exact science.  Go easy on yourself and remember that you do not always have to be perfect or “on point.”


Empathic readings may be new for you or for those you are reading. Take the time to learn it thoroughly, listen to your intuition and your guides, and practice as often as you can.  The more you learn the best way that you can connect and translate, the better you will become and the more beneficial your readings will be to others.

Intuitives Don’t Always Know They’re Intuitive

Have you ever done something that came so naturally to you that you just assumed it was easy and everyone else can do it to?  Perhaps you picked up a Sudoku book for the first time and filled in the numbers as easily as you write the alphabet.  Maybe you walked on stage at an open mic night and had the audience rolling in laughter without ever preparing a word.  Or jumped on the dance floor and moved with such grace that entire room came to a stop.

You very likely are familiar with that feeling of ease or second nature, almost to the point that you are shocked to find that others may struggle with the very thing you’ve taken for granted your whole life.  What seems easy to you has never crossed your mind as being a unique talent.

This same thing happens to intuitives.  Often times born with an innate extrasensory ability, many intuitives don’t even realize they are using a talent that does not come easily to everyone.  They might notice something and never speak of it simply because they just assume everyone else noticed too or receive information through their insight and think that it’s common knowledge.

The idea that an intuitive wouldn’t realize their abilities may be baffling.  There is a preconceived notion that those with clair abilities know they have them, know how to use them, and are experts at exercising these gifts.

But the reality is that many intuitives don’t even know they have these gifts within them because they have just always been that way and never given it much thought.  Most do not recognize when they are having a clairsentient, clairaudient, or clairvoyant experience.  It’s not uncommon for them to hear about these skills and shrug them off, thinking it doesn’t apply to their lives.

Psychics, mediums, intuitives, shamans, and healers exist in droves among us and they are hardly even aware of it.  Those who start to notice the signs, dig a little deeper, and seek sage advice from experts in the field don’t suddenly shout that they are intuitive and open a palm reading business.

This type of awakening or awareness is a slow and steady process, taking years of learning, discovering, and practicing their gifts.  Intuitives are not instantly experts.  They need resources, education, and hands on experience in order to grow in their skills.

It is very possible that you are, indeed, an intuitive and don’t even know it yet.  If the idea resonates within you, consider digging a little deeper and you may be surprised what you discover.

Intuition or Prejudice?

“Trust the vibes you get.  Energy doesn’t lie.”

“If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Trust your intuition.”

“Always listen to your gut.”

There is no shortage of quotes floating about that remind us to listen to our intuition, heed the energy we receive, and pay attention to gut feelings.  And these are all correct when you understand what your gut is really telling you.

Intuition shows up in our lives as a means to guide us down our path.  It acts as a light through a darkened forest, showing us our way and helping us stay true to who we are.  We all have the little voice inside of us which guides us on our way.

Our intuition functions continuously in our unconscious mind.  The unconscious mind is the aspect which has access to all universal knowing.  It is through this channel that psychics, mediums, and intuitives pull their information.

But anytime information is pulled, it must pass through our ego.  The ego is an incredibly important aspect of our humanity.  It is the piece of ourselves which helps us survive, offering us fear and worry, and acts as a guidance system for our well-being.  Our ego is what makes us fear fire, worry about having enough food, and recognize external threats.

Both intuition and ego are beneficial to our spirituality and our humanity, but only when we know the difference.

An ego left unchecked can behave like intuition and intuition, when misunderstood, can lead us down the wrong paths.

Ego, over the course of our lives, stores information which may get in the way of reality.  Racism and prejudice, which are learned behaviors, are the most common examples of information storage within the ego.

If you get mugged by tall man covered in vine and thorn tattoos, the ego stores this information deep within the subconscious mind, only later to bring it up through emotions when you see another sporting similar tattoos.  This is the ego creating prejudice based on stored information with the intent of recognizing threats and keeping us safe.

We are commonly taught to trust this ego, our emotions, and our gut, without being taught what intuition sounds like.  This combination leaves us in a judgmental space where we are more likely to miss the very clues we think we’re picking up on.

So how do you know the difference between the prejudice of the ego and the intellect of intuition?

The easiest way to tell is the level of freedom our immediate response offers.

Allow me to explain.  Ego-based responses to a situation offer narrower outlooks and viewpoints while intuition opens up possibilities.

Let’s look at the same situation from two different angles.  Say you pass someone on the street and get the vibe that this is a bad situation for you:

  • An intuitive vibe will point you in the direction of a better situation.  It will allow you greater freedom in the moment by offering a clear and immediate response, whether leaving the area, confronting the individual, or any host of outcomes. It also allows the other person their own freedom to have their vibes and follow their intuition.
  • A prejudiced or ego-based response shuts it all down.  When our ego takes over, pathways close out of fear, we wind up with a narrower vision and viewpoint, and see the outside trigger as a threat.  This removes your freedom by removing your personal power and removes the freedom of the perceived offender by judging their vibe, their path, and their choices.

While you will experience similarities such as an instant thought or feeling, a gut reaction, or a clear indication of change in the environment, prejudice shuts things down while intuition opens them up.

Our ego is an amazing piece of our humanity which should not be condemned, avoided, or turned off.  But learning the difference between emotional responses caused by ego and intuition will allow you to read the information coming from your subconscious mind and make a clearer choice about your “gut feelings.”

If you are interested in learning even more ways to decipher emotion from intuition, check out my Is It Intuition? program which walks you through the key differences in how intuition and emotion manifest in your life while giving you actionable steps to hone in and better hear your inner voice.

Think you’re an intuition pro?  Take the test here to see if you know the difference between intuition and emotion.

“Coming Out” About Your Gifts to Friends and Family

You have spent hours digging through information online, hiding in dark rooms reading books you don’t want anyone to see, and perusing Facebook groups, hoping nothing shows up in your friends’ news feeds.  It all started when an article caught your eye and from then, everything you found only further confirmed your suspicions.

You have “clair” abilities.

At first, you hardly want to believe it yourself.  I would have known, you think.  There’s just no way.

But each article you read resonates deeper and deeper.  Everything in your life is beginning to make sense.

It is hard to say it to yourself.  I am clairsentientI am clairvoyant.  I am clairaudient.  

I am an intuitive.

No matter which word you choose, it sounds strange – feels strange – to consider it.  You can hardly believe it yourself, so how are you going to tell your loved ones?

Worry overtakes you at the thought. What if they judge you and think you’re crazy?  Or worse, what if they don’t believe you?

Coming out to your friends and family about clair abilities is not something to be taken lightly.  There are many preconceived notions about what it means to call oneself an empath, intuitive, medium, or psychic.  Your family may react in discomfort, unknowing, and fear.

While you are probably itching to talk to others about the new pieces of yourself that you are discovering, sometimes turning to those closest to you before you are ready may not be the best option.  It is frightening for you, and it can be much more frightening to them.

So what do you do instead?  You are dying to talk to someone, but who?

Reaching out to others who have experienced the same gifts as you will not only help you in your own spiritual growth, but over time it will allow you to feel more comfortable in your own intuitive skin.  Consider some of the following:

  • Commenting on like-minded blogs (anonymously, if you prefer)
  • Reaching out to others in Facebook groups (there are great closed groups that will keep your comments out of sight of loved ones – here’s my community)
  • Working with an intuitive or empathic coach or mentor that can chat with you and walk through the new ideas arising within you.

All of these steps will help affirm to yourself your gifts and your reality, while growing self-confidence and easing fears.

Then, after you feel much more confident, and can actually look yourself in the mirror and proudly affirm your gifts, this is the time to reach out and inform your friends and family.  When you do not fear their responses because you stand so strongly in your own knowing, from this space, you are in a better place to help them understand what you are experiencing in your life, perhaps offer them some reading material, and let them know that you understand their fears because you were there, too.

Allow them to have their response.  It may be easy to become defensive if they react negatively, but offer them time and compassion.  Just as you needed to come to terms with your abilities slowly, so, too, will they need a little time too.  Be there for them, but let them know that this is who you are and you hope they can come to understand and accept that.

Letting your loved ones know your of gifts is a frightening experience, especially when we fear that we will make them uneasy or even that they will revoke their love for us. So before going to them, you must first make sure that you have eased your own fears and that you love yourself wholly and unconditionally in who you are.


How to Become a Professional Empath

I once told someone that I am a professional empath.  They looked at me like I had three heads.  Until that moment, it hadn’t dawned on me that people don’t realize that is a thing.  I had been diligently working away at my computer and just assumed that other empaths were using their gifts for their livelihood, too.

If you have followed me for any period of time or are a member of my Facebook group, you’ll know that I strongly support those who use their gifts to build a career.  I think that when our passions meet the service of others, we are able to cultivate an extraordinary life and help others do the same.

Unfortunately, there are those who think it is immoral or greedy to charge for our “soft skills.”  I’m here to tell you that it isn’t.  In fact, I think it’s immoral not to.

We were each created with unique gifts and abilities, ones that can benefit the entire world if we allow ourselves to use them.  But when we are forced to put those gifts on hold to merely survive, not only do we live an unfulfilled life, but others are robbed of experiencing all that we have to offer.

Could you imagine a world where those with a steady surgical hand and the ability to understand the inner workings of the human body felt it wrong to charge for their gifts? Instead, they could not afford to practice their skills due to the many hours spent working just to feed themselves?  It is an absurd thought.  Of course they deserve to monetize their time and talents and the world is better for it.

And the same goes for empaths.

You not only deserve to charge for your gifts, but you do a great disservice to yourself and the world by not doing so.  If you are struggling finding a way to use your empathic abilities as a career, here is a list of ways empaths can thrive in the business world.



I put this one first because many empaths excel in these areas naturally.  The ability to see deeply into the human heart and suffering and paint it across a canvas, express through written word, or any host of artistic mediums is worthy of a great deal of financial compensation.  Writers can monetize blogs, write courses, and sell books.  Artists can find a business in Etsy, t-shirt designs, or selling their work to raving fans.


Professional Readings

I know many think intuitives and psychics when they think readings, but empaths can offer a great deal of insight to others.  Offering to sell your ability to read someone’s heart and advise them could assist so many who are unable to read themselves.



If you have established healthy boundaries with strong centering and grounding techniques, then working as a counselor or professional healer may be a great fit.  Empaths are movers of energy and we can transfer healing energy to others while absorbing their emotional and physical ailments.



I know this doesn’t seem like the ideal position for an empath.  Many conjure up images of sleaze at the very thought of sales, but if it weren’t for selling, many people would be unaware of how many things out there are available to improve their lives.  The empath’s ability to read the needs of another allow them to effortlessly point that person toward the very thing which may change their lives.  Many empaths thrive in sales-related businesses.



Empaths are often great communicators because, just as in sales, they know what someone needs to hear in order to understand.  Teaching is a perfect way to be paid for your gift of touching many hearts and guiding others down the paths they were meant to find.


Of course, this list is far from comprehensive, but I hope it got you re-thinking how you view your abilities.  You have inborn gifts and talents directly related to being an empath and you have every right to make a living on those gifts.

Ask yourself what you would do if you never had to worry about money again, and then take that answer and figure out how to monetize it.  Only through doing what you love and getting paid for it can you be the best asset to the world around you.

Have you found a way to monetize your empathic gifts?  If so, please share!

Five Types of Mediumship

Mediumship a very broad term.  While many know of mediums who channel spirits and relay messages, being a medium can actually take several forms in our lives.  Some experience channeling without even noticing that they are doing it.

Let’s start by taking a look at what mediumship really is.  A medium is one who channels energy from something broader than themselves.  This can refer to spirits, angels, universal knowing, or even God.

The way in which this energy is translated is what determines the type of mediumship one experiences.

You see, we all have access to a broader knowing.  Some refer to this as energy, collective unconsciousness, Divine intervention, or Spirit.  Regardless of what you refer to it as, there is a larger pool of information existing outside of ourselves.  This pool is available to each and every one of us.  Mediums are able to access this pool of information and channel it in ways that make it accessible to those who are unaware that they, too, can access it.  Due to a lack of knowledge, training, and practice, many hold themselves apart from this knowing and thus their medium abilities.

A medium often receives this energy through blocks of thought, feelings, vibrations, or visions.  Most people have default ways in which they translate this information.  Here are the five different types of mediumship:


1. Verbal Mediums

Verbal mediums are the most commonly thought of medium.  These are people who channel spirit by talking about what they see, hear, or sense. Theresa Caputo The Long Island Medium and Sylvia Brown are popular examples of verbal mediums.  They may feel as though spirit enters their bodies and controls their voice and actions, or they may simply translate the thoughts that are received.


2. Literary Mediums

Literary mediums, as is my area of mediumship, channel through means of writing.  They are able to receive blocks of thought which they effortlessly put down on paper.  Many literary mediums report not being able to write or type as fast as the thoughts come and often don’t realize what they wrote until they read it back to themselves.


3. Physical Mediums

Physical mediums have the ability to move objects around them, such as elevating tables, tipping over chairs, or slamming doors.  These mediums work in conjunction with spirit to manifest physical phenomena in order to bring through their messages.


4. Healing Mediums

Another popular type of mediumship, healing mediums can channel energy in order to heal those around them.  This ability can be used on people, plants, and animals alike.  Reiki, chakra aligning, and distance healing are all examples of healing mediumship.


5. Artistic Mediums

Similar to literary mediums, artistic mediums channel energy into creative ways, such as painting, sculpting, drawing, or inventing.  Artistic mediums often report having something inside of them that has to come out, only to take to their form of art and create something divine out of seemingly nothing.


Many experience one or more of these channeling events at some point in their lives.  It can be referred to as inspiration, intuition, or a calling, but ultimately, they are channeling something outside of themselves and bringing it to life for others to benefit and enjoy.

Have you experienced any of these forms of mediumship?


Empaths Don’t Attract Narcissists

Despite what many articles may tell you, I am going to make the very radical claim that empaths don’t attract narcissists.  People with poor personal boundaries do.

I know, I know.  There are a ton of articles that explain all the reasons why empaths and highly sensitive people (HSPs) are magnets for those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and many of their points make a great deal of sense.  Those who have been subject to narcissistic abuse find great comfort in them, seeing their life spoken by another and finally feeling validated in their experiences.  I love that many empaths and HSPs have come across these articles and used them to empower themselves out of the abusive cycle.

But the flip side is that these articles are only giving a portion of the truth, leading us to believe that by being an empath or HSP that we are destined to attract toxic people for the remainder of our days, which simply isn’t true.  These articles continue to perpetuate the deeply held belief that puts us at the mercy of toxic relationships which is that we have no control.

Narcissists prey on people with poor boundaries.  They prey on those who give and give without questioning.  They prey on people who they can control through guilt and emotional manipulation.

And while many of these people may be empaths, it is not their empathy that makes them the target.

A friend of mine went through the cycle of attracting narcissists into her life.  Over and over again they would appear as though she was summoning them in her sleep.  She is still coming out of this and making slow strides.  But she is not an empath nor a HSP.  She simply had never learned to create boundaries.

My sister is the least empathetic person I know.  She couldn’t tell another person was upset if they had tears running down their cheeks.  And yet, she attracts narcissists left, right, and backwards and always has.  They see her across the room and can smell her like a shark to blood.  She’s not an empath, but we were raised by an abusive narcissist who stripped us of any boundaries we had.

I have another person in my life who is near and dear to me, and he is an empath and an INFJ.  He was raised in a loving, healthy environment and has a strong sense of who he is.  He experiences the energies of others and it causes him to have high levels of sensitivity, but he knows who he is.  His level of personal boundaries has me in awe every time we speak.  He is an empath and has never attracted narcissists.  They have popped up in his life momentarily just as they do with everyone, and he is kind to them yet firm in his boundaries, and they never stick around.

An empath can have strong boundaries.  They can stand up for themselves, know what their limits are, know when they are being manipulated and taken advantage of, and they can say stop without guilt.  They can take full responsibility for their emotions and require others to take responsibility for theirs.

These empaths do not attract narcissists, and even if they do, those narcissists never stick around.

So, yes, empaths can attract narcissists, but it is not because they are empaths, but because they need to strengthen their boundaries.

Think of how amazing that is!

Consider these two statements:

Empaths attract narcissists.  This statement implies that one of the best parts of yourself is destined forever to attract toxicity, regardless of what you do.  You cannot get rid of your abilities and so you are forever a pawn in the narcissist’s game.

People with poor boundaries attract narcissists.  This statement makes you realize that you are in complete control and there is nothing wrong with you.  It is no different than recognizing that you have no clue how to play checkers but that it is well within your control to learn how.

If you are an empath and you struggle with poor boundaries, don’t attack yourself.  You have spent a lifetime of being conditioned out of having and holding boundaries, but now, as an independent adult, you can create boundaries.  And once you do, narcissists won’t even appear on your radar, because they just won’t matter anymore.

Boundaries are attainable at any point in your life.  They are a set of skills that you can acquire and practice.  Be patient with yourself as you build them and enjoy every moment of your growth as you take back control over your life from the fear of perceived uncontrollable circumstances.  Any time you read an article that tells you that empaths attract narcissists, re-frame it and plug in these extra words to read: empaths “without boundaries” attract narcissists, then see how the whole meaning changes.


Where do you begin establishing boundaries?


In the Take Back Your Emotions program, I walk you through the steps to begin taking back your life amidst the energies of those around you, especially toxic individuals. 

These steps have helped my clients free themselves from the overwhelm of emotions, establish and hold their boundaries without guilt, and begin to see the light in their gifts.

Don’t wait to offer yourself the same compassion you give to those around you.  Head over and get started today.

The Empath’s Essential Oil Toolkit

If you’re an empath who has recently delved into the amazing benefits of essential oils or you are someone who is branching out in your use of oils, then you have come to the right place.

Anyone who is anyone is aware of the health benefits of essential oils.  It seems every time we turn around, someone is touting their superpowers.  But few are aware of just how much impact essential oils can have on the life of an empath.

From emotional support to energetic cleansing, essential oils are an absolute must in every empath’s toolkit.  I have already given you a list of essential oils every empath must have, but what about all those other items you need to get started?

Here is a list of all the essential oil items you need in your empath toolkit!


Glass bottles

No matter which essential oils you are using, glass bottles are a must.  Oils are potent and can eat through plastics and metals, so if you plan on doing any custom blends, you will need some glass bottles in your toolkit.  Light can break down oils, so I recommend blue or amber tinted glass like these or these.


Glass Jars

Sometimes you want to make more solid-based blends where bottles just won’t do the trick.  In these instances, reach for blue or amber tinted glass jars.  In order to keep your oil blends fresh, shoot for smaller sized jars like these.


Witch Hazel

One of the lesser referred to bases of liquid essential oil blends, witch hazel is a must have.  The perfect carrier for misting blends, witch hazel is great for all skin types.  This is my favorite brand.


Shea Butter and Coconut Oil

For those thicker recipes, shea butter and coconut oil make the perfect blend to carry essential oils.  When combined, their benefits for the skin are almost unmatched making them great for everyday lotions and massages.  Be sure to use organic, unrefined shea butter (like this one) and virgin coconut oil (here’s my favorite).


Storage Case

Once you start noticing the benefits of essential oils, you can’t stop buying more, so you need a place to store them.  An essential oil storage case makes oils easy to grab and easier to organize.  Check out this case which holds up to thirty bottles!



If you are anything like me, you like your oils organized.  To do this, I use color-coded labels that fit perfectly on the tops of each oil bottle.  You can find these on Amazon, but I prefer the labels directly from Young Living.


Carrying Case

These wonder bottles are not just for the home front.  You can reap their benefits even on the go, so don’t forget to grab an essential oil carrying case.  I like this one because it is small enough to fit in my purse, and works for bottles and jars alike.

Cool Mist Diffuser

The number one way I use essential oils is in my diffuser.  Just add a couple of drops and I am whisked away into a sea of emotional tranquility.  Young Living offers a variety of diffusers for style and practicality.  In fact, when you sign up as a member, you can select a bundle which already includes the diffuser!  Can’t beat that!


Essential Oil Reference Guide

It could take years and a couple of degrees before you are able to remember every safe way to use each essential oil.  Instead, grab a pocket guide to take with you anywhere and always be armed with all the information you need.


The Empath’s Guide to Essential Oils

And of course, your toolkit wouldn’t be complete without the complimentary gift, The Empath’s Guide to Essential Oils.  Head on over and grab your free copy here!


So there you have the top ten things you will need in your empath essential oil toolkit.  Don’t feel overwhelmed if you are just starting out as you can reap plenty of benefits with a just bottle of essential oils and some carrying oil.

Head on over and grab your favorite essential oils and get your toolkit started today!

Haven’t joined Young Living yet but dying to get started?  I can definitely help you out!  I would love to have you join my team of fellow empaths and sensitives who use oils daily to enrich and enhance our gifts!

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The Empathic INFJ
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