Guide to INFJ Relationships

INFJ personality types are enigmas. Few people understand what loving an INFJ entails, but those who are willing to try are well aware of the benefits of such a deep, meaningful and committed relationship.

Those few who are in relationships with this rare Myers-Briggs personality type often seek advice and answers to help them understand their partner more clearly.

Whether you are an INFJ trying to better understand yourself or are seeking to grow closer to one, the following information, resources and pointers will hopefully help you feel a little more fulfilled in your relationship.


INFJ Overview
Understanding Their Functions

The first step to any fulfilling relationship with an INFJ is to understand as much as you can about the personality type. Even though there is a lot to grasp about the INFJ mind, it is helpful to start with a quick overview of what makes them tick. The best way to do this is to look at their main cognitive functions:

INFJ stands for Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeling and Judicial. Those four letters carry with them a certain set of cognitive functions. Every personality type has a set of eight functions, but what makes each one different is the order of those functions. Here, let us just look at the first (and most important) two functions.

An INFJ’s primary function is introverted iNtuition (Ni) and their secondary is extroverted Feeling (Fe).

introverted iNtuition (Ni)
The Ni function is the biggest part of what makes INFJs so unique. It essentially means that they have an amazing ability to think more abstractly, globally, thoroughly and complexly. This allows the INFJ to easily see and understand things in the past, present and future that others may struggle to comprehend. While they may not always be able to explain their knowledge, their intuition is usually accurate and, in some cases, psychic. This function leads to a continuously busy mind as Ni’s constantly shift their perspectives, and view and understand things from different angles and in different ways.

extroverted Feeling (Fe)
The Fe function is what makes INFJs eager to please. While their sense of self is wrapped up in their intuition, their sense of others runs mainly on a desire to connect with them through feelings. Extroverted Feelers act in ways that make others very comfortable and pleased, mainly through warmth, graces and good manners. They often can feel responsible for the feelings of those around them in most social situations.

These combined functions lead the INFJ to be very people-oriented on a global level, causing them to take on quite a bit of personal responsibility for those around them. Because of their intuition and compassion, INFJs live for helping others and are never satisfied unless everyone around them is content (a very rare occurrence).

Relationship Strengths

Because most INFJs are very deep feelers who live for others, their strengths in relationships are many, including though not limited to:

– Seeks lifelong relationships
– Loyal and trustworthy
– Warm, compassionate and selfless
– Always desiring to improve and perfect the relationship
– Excellent conflict resolvers (though they strongly dislike unnecessary or petty conflicts)
– Very adaptable and willing to compromise (keeping in line with their strong values)
– Great listeners and always a shoulder to cry on
– Extremely supportive and encouraging

Relationship Weaknesses

Like all personality types, INFJs also have weaknesses that they bring to a relationship. Some of the most common ones are:

– Very slow to open themselves up and often never completely expose themselves
– Dislike conflict and may be passive
– Sometimes overly emotional and sensitive
– May have unrealistic expectations of the relationship
– Can be stubborn
– Oftentimes are dreamers which may affect their ability to handle day to day technical needs

Physical Intimacy

INFJs have a strong desire to please the ones they love in every aspect of the relationship, including spiritually, emotionally and physically.

However an INFJ’s least developed cognitive function is extroverted Sensing (Se) which means they can tend to feel very disconnected from the literal world around them. Because of this, “some INFJs feel themselves so foreign to the world that action seems hopelessly strange and unnatural.” (Personlity Junkie, INFJ Careers, Jobs, Majors) While they have a deep longing to connect with their partners on a spiritual sense, some INFJs may struggle with showing this physically.

This is not to say that INFJs dislike or disconnect completely from physical intimacy, but rather it may be their least effective way of showing their feelings. When an INFJ does interact physically, it is always with great emotional depth.

As the INFJ Personality Page states:
“Sexually, INFJs view intimacy as a nearly spiritual experience. They embrace the opportunity to bond heart and soul with their mates. As service-oriented individuals, it’s very important to them that their mates are happy. Intimacy is an opportunity for the INFJ to selflessly give their love, and experience it in a tangible way.”

Casual encounters are near impossible for an INFJ. Most find them a pointless use of energy. If, however, an INFJ does engage in a seemingly emotionless fling, they will usually either attach manifested emotions to the other person or they will use the sex as a method of self-loathing.

Simply put, sexual or physical experiences to an INFJ are something that they do with great purpose of showing love for another. If you are in a committed relationship with an INFJ, recognize that everything from a brief kiss to passionate love-making is perceived as an intensely spiritual experience of expressing feelings and should never be taken lightly.

Best Matches
Most Compatible Personality Types for an INFJ

Keep in mind that every person is unique despite personality typing, so any MBTI pairing has the potential to work if both involved are willing and dedicated to growth.

With that being said, as a general rule, INFJs do have certain personalities that appear to be the best fit. These are:

ENFP (Extrovert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving)
ENTP (Extrovert, iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving)
INTJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judicial)
INFJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judicial)

The ENFP and ENTP are thought to be ideal mates because their primary function (iNtuition) is the same as an INFJ though directed differently (extroverted). Their strong Ne function allows them to connect well with an INFJ while still acting as a compliment to their personality type. “Our natural attraction to people who share our dominant function, but who use it in a different direction works very well for us. ” (Personality Page – Natural Partners)

On the other hand, the INTJ and INFJ are thought by many to be good matches because of the depth of their initial connection. As both personality types can rely very heavily on their strong iNtuition, INTJs and INFJs can understand one another and themselves on a level they may struggle to reach with other personality types.

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Worst Matches
Least Compatible Personality Types for an INFJ

Just as the INFJ tends to connect better with certain personality types, it is expected that they would also naturally shy away from others. Bear in mind that while these personality types are considered poor matches for an INFJ in the technical sense, it is still possible for two well-rounded adults of any type to connect.

ESFP (Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving)
ESTP (Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving)
ESTJ (Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, Judicial)
ENTJ (Extrovert, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judicial)

The dominant function of an ESFP and an ESTP is extroverted Sensing (Se) which is the inferior function of an INFJ. Because of this, it is thought that when paired, the two personality types would exhaust one another by continuously requiring the other to exercise their inferior way of thinking.

Along similar lines, the ESTJ and ENTJ both exhibit the Shadow Processes of an INFJ as their top four Primary Processes. Most personality types exhibit their Shadow Processes in a negative sense when used on a day to day basis meaning that, when paired with someone who operates primarily in these functions, it would bring out constant negative emotions and behaviors in the INFJ.

Quick Relationship Tips

If you are interested in pursuing a relationship with an INFJ or improving one you are all ready in, here are a few go-to tips that may help you make or break your relationship:

Truth trumps all.
Because of their strong intuition, INFJs will always know when you are not being truthful. Even the tiniest white lie will send up red flags that may cause ripples in the relationship.

Be patient.
An INFJ will love it if you open your inner world to them right away, but do not expect the same. Some INFJs may never fully open up, but even if they do, it can take years. Try not to take it personally. If you want to help them open up faster, be as open-minded and accepting as possible.

Stay positive.
INFJs run off of the energy of those around them. If you want to get the best of your INFJ partner, you need to be your best. Try to stay overall optimistic and strong, cutting down on pessimism, worry or anxiety. “Your energy will easily affect them. If you seem unstable, etc., it will seep into them and poison them.” (Modalties of Existence, How to Date an INFJ) But remember, your feeling must be genuine. INFJs will pick up on false emotion.

Be sensitive.
INFJs are very sensitive to criticism or harsh words. Even if you are just joking around, an INFJ can take your words literally and be silently hurt. Watch what you say and only say what you mean. If you mess up, explain yourself immediately.

What tips would add?  Share in the comments!