The INFJ Myers-Briggs Personality Type is a fairly rare group of people who tend to hide amongst the crowds. They can often be overlooked by those who are unfamiliar with what signs to look for. Even when someone is in a relationship with an INFJ, they may be none the wiser, consistently trying to determine the personality of their significant other.

While all INFJs are different, there are some similarities which may make it easier for you to determine whether or not your loved one is one of these rare and special intuitives.

1. They constantly seek to improve your relationship. Whether through reading blogs and self-help books or searching out groups and seminars, the INFJ strives to reach an impossible standard for their relationships. This is not an indication that they are unhappy with the relationship, but rather that they cherish it so much they wish to put enormous amounts of effort into making it the best it can be.

2. They respond to your emotions. INFJs may be great listeners, but no matter what you say to them, they are more apt to respond to your emotions than to your words. If you are going on about a problem in your life, your INFJ partner may not seem interested in offering a solution but will jump right into helping you process how you feel about the situation. What starts as a brainstorming event to you may quickly turn into what seems like a therapy session.

3. They talk about the distant future. Try not to get too scared off if your partner jumps right to the long term scenarios of life. If they are an INFJ, simple discussions about whether or not to buy a shirt may turn into pondering about five years from now at cousin Suzie’s wedding. INFJs are future-oriented thinkers whose brains are constantly scanning through various outcomes. Anything about the past may not be pertinent to them because the future is chock full of possibilities. Don’t worry about them getting too vocal about picking out curtains in a couple of years because also floating around in their heads are the possibilities of what to do if you die in a fiery train wreck or how to pick up someone new in case it doesn’t work out. This does not mean they aren’t serious about the relationship; their brains are just incredibly capable of carrying on many scenarios at once.

4. The negativity of the world overwhelms them. If sharing the local news over the dinner table has your significant other seem distant for the rest of the evening, they may be an INFJ. Just hearing news of a lost kitten can be hard for them to hear and they need a little processing time. If you happen to mention something more intense, like a school shooting, expect to give them a little more space for dealing with the intensity. And as for that horror film? Go ahead and see it, but keep the details to yourself.

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5. They shut down. Sometimes for no apparent reason at all, if your partner seems to close themselves off to you indefinitely, it is possible they are an INFJ. Try not to take it personally and definitely don’t push too hard to get them to open up as the harder you push, the further away they’ll drift. Sometimes general life can become too overwhelming for an INFJ, whether it’s the negativity mentioned above, the millions of scenarios they run through their mind or just the everyday menial tasks of life, and they need to mentally escape from it all. Try to be patient and respect their need for space.

If most of these signs sound familiar to you, then it is very probable that you are in a relationship with an INFJ. Take heart knowing that their behavior, though bizarre and eccentric to you, is actually very normal and purposeful. Be excited that you have found such a rare specimen and try to learning as much as you can about how they tick. If you still aren’t sure, encourage them to take a Myers-Briggs Personality Test. It may help them immensely as well.

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