Top 10 Things Every INFJ Wants You to Know


 
Are you an INFJ? Do you often feel lonely or misunderstood?

INFJ is the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type accounting for less than 2% of the population. Because of this, we often feel as though many do not understand us.

While there is a lot about us that we would like you to know, here is a list of the Top 10 Things Every INFJ Wants You To Know.  Read More...

Please comment and share your personality type!

85 comments:

  1. This is such a great list! I'm an INFJ, and one that rings especially true is "4. Our label means a lot to us." It was such a relief to learn I wasn't a "weird" human -- I'm a perfectly normal INFJ.

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    1. I completely agree! As soon as I found my label, I researched everything about it.

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    2. My daughter is an INFJ and this has been such an eye opener for both of us today! Thank you for this blog post too. After reading it she said, "I could have written that!'

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    3. I am an INFJ... 4 didnt really ring true for me being one who never really cared to be "normal" but number one make me jump up and down because I've tried to explain it people that I just know how they feel and people never understood.(number 9).. I am glad that there is someone else out there that understand that we just know and dont know how we know.

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    4. NUMBER 4 IS ESPECIALLY TRUE, I AGREE

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    5. Hahaha. I always thought I am a weird kid, but when I find out that I am an INFJ and tells exactly who I am, I feel 'normal' and overwhelmed that I searched everything about INFJ. THat's why I'm here in this post. I am pretty much relieved.

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  2. Your number 4 is brilliant!

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  3. i am very happy to read your number 4 :) i often feeling very weird about myself for the no.1, but now i understand it better and feel comfortable about knowing it. it hurts a lot to know that not all people is going to like you and you know about it...but now i feel seriously better. thank you!

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  4. 10, 9, 8, 7, 3, and 2 are things I have found myself thinking about myself too many times to count. I'm so glad I came across this. I have to admit that the way my brain works is feeling more like a burden than a blessing at the moment, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one with an overactive brain and excessive emotional perceptiveness ;) I'm excited to go read through your other posts.

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  5. #4 & #1 hit the nail on the head.

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  6. I just discovered I'm INFJ today and it makes absolute perfect sense! Carl Jung and Myers-Briggs were very smart people...I'm happy to hear confirmation of what I've always known, that I am wonderfully unique and special...And I will never doubt or let anyone else for that matter doubt my intuition again...Yay to the INFJ's...we are the leaders of the world change! :)

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    1. Actually Carl Jung was indeed an INTJ: http://www.celebritytypes.com/infj.php

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    2. Perhaps you meant to say INFJ rather than INTJ as the link suggests?

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  7. The number 4 is particulary true for me.

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  8. All of them are true! Since I found out what I am I don't feel so bipolar and awkward anymore. Its just who I am. Great list thank you!

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  9. I am a INFJ and have been doubting my ability to help people with this course I am doing---art therapy.After reading this article I see that perhaps I am beating myself up too much. Its really obvious I am the only INFJ in the class by the way I approach things and criticism and small talk are the worst kind of hell...............

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    1. :D I am an INFJ and a senior in high school aspiring to become an art therapist as well! Makes me so pumped when I see anything about that career, because where I live currently it's unheard of. It excites me to see that that particular sort of helping is a common interest among INFJ's. ^-^

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  10. I am an (E)NFJ and this describes me perfectly except of course for the extroverted aspect of things (I am energized by other people's energy so long as it's positive)..., my best friend on the planet is an INFJ and it fits her perfectly too. The reason we've been best friends for 22 years, is because we are a perfect combo of the E and the I -- with NFJ sealing us as soul mate type of friends.

    On another note, I read your bio and I'm also an abuse survivor, Christian, and an unschooler....awesome! I'm going to look for you on Twitter :)

    Nice read!

    Tara at Hill House Rock
    HillHouseRock.com
    Twitter: @hillhouserock

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    1. Thanks for commenting! I've heard that an INFJ/ENFJ duo can be an unstoppable force in the world! And it's great to find another Christian Unschooler!

      I am on Twitter but I am not active at all. You can, however, find me at my Facebook page as well as on Pinterest. I hope we can connect more in the future!

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  11. Great list! #1 and #10 are my faves. I am a planner...no, like a real planner LOL. I am an event/meeting planner by trade although I went to school for communication and journalism. I feel very connected to my inner conscience and have learned to always allow my intuition to guide me. It has never steered me wrong.

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  12. brilliant list... the only thing I would add on a personal level (may not be true to others) is that because I am so emotionally sensitive I fear opening up to others. I fear that because I seem to think so differently to almost everyone else to open up is to risk ridicule or worse.

    There is so much in this head of mine and and my heart is so huge, but all of it is risk... so I come across as cold and distant. Once I trust you... you get the real me.... maybe

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  13. Thank you... this was a very enjoyable read, as many of the points fit like a glove. For me, #1 was spot on... I can sit in meetings, looking around the room at the other participants, and intuit what everyone is thinking, feeling, strategizing, what their agendas may be... I learn far more that way than is possible from any dialogue.

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  14. I am an INTJ who is in tune with my "feeler" side, so most of these points were right on! Great article!

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  15. Whoever wrote this has been spying on my brain. Bang on!

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  16. All of these hit hard, but 1,7 and 8 are the hardest for me. I DO only need one person, but that person isn't always available. I get squirrely if I spend too much time alone. And I pick up so very many non-verbal clues from all over the place, I think that's what my intuition is. That, and if I let an thought or idea stew in the back of my head for a few days, I'll come up with a complete and well thought-out sounding answer/idea. But no clue how I got there, LOL!

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  17. Amazing! It is so refreshing(and terrifying!) to hear my thoughts being spoken by other people. I have recently(in the last 3 weeks) found out i am an INFJ personality type, it was like having an epiphany! What a life changing moment! I am not exaggerating when i say it was the 1st time i felt settled(like i fit in, not just pretend to!) in 27 years.Number 1 has been a huge part of my life, but 4 and especially number 7 hit home. I am forever having an internal conflict between going to visit my friends and staying home in my own space. I am often referred to by my nearest & dearest as a "hermit" :)

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  18. Love this post!

    I totally identify with all of these except maybe #3 Open-minded. I think us INFJs might feel too confident we are right most of the time, so not sure about this one.

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  19. Most of this was spot on. I am totally infj and have struggled with feeling very alien my entire life. Small talk IS awful. I do have an insatiable desire to help people. I am on a continual quest for self-improvement. The Iintuition thing too- ifeel like I can look at A Person and know exactly what they are thinking or feeling. Or even know a lot about someone just from a photograph. Also, that I am also always at that 'deep' level and thaf make small talk and acting 'normal' difficult. I thank God he gave me a sense of humor to offset my heavy personality. I believe our type is special and close to God's heart. He put us here, with empathetic hearts yearning to help and unique emotional insight, to reach out in a world where there is so much hurting. I know it can be a burden at time... but we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

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    1. "I believe our type is special and close to God's heart. He put us here, with empathetic hearts yearning to help and unique emotional insight, to reach out in a world where there is so much hurting. I know it can be a burden at time... but we are fearfully and wonderfully made."

      I cried reading this. As an INFJ, I often wonder why I feel too much of what others feel, because the pain can be unbearable especially when I can't do anything to help.

      I honestly do feel like it's a burden sometimes... but thank you for putting it this way. It makes it all worthwhile. God bless.

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  20. What a relief I'm normal..........!

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  21. This article is spot on! Well done! I almost cried when I read it

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  22. As I read this page I was almost in tears. I never thought even other people of my personality type could understand me so well. I am a homeschooler and am so grateful to have been, the ability to choose how much I am around people is invaluable to me instead of being forced to be with people in public school. My parents are both INFJs and they have the best marrage I have ever seen, in almost two decades I have never seen them have a serious fight. I have one brother who is an ENTJ, it took many years but I have an amazing relationship with him. For the first 14 years of my life I would find someone who I thought could be a best friend but always it just never quite worked out and I was forced to move on. Then I found someone who is very close to me character wise, and I hope to be best friends with them for the rest of my life, I talk to them everyday and when I do I can deal with almost anything and have the engery to work hard to enjoy myself and be myself in groups. I still am not at the center of attention and still hate chit chat but because of one friend who understands me I feel I can take on anything. I agree with everything anonymous said on September 24th. I too have an overwelming desire to help people and I get so upset when I realize I can't help some people. Sometimes I just know something is wrong with someone but I can't do anything without creeping the person out. I thank God he made us who we are and I pray we all remember that no matter what it feels like we are not alone and even if someone in our lives does not understand us. there are others in the world like us and there is God who understands all personality types and with his help we can have the courage to be ourselves in a world that thinks were just weird. Sorry I didn't mean to preach. I would say something here like I hope we all can do something great with our gifts as INFJs but I know we all hate being the center of attention so I hope we all do something great behind the scenes which only a very few people will ever know we were responsible for.

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  23. Thank you.. so much, I've known I was an INFJ for awhile now and reading this just makes me feel normal and accepted. I had tears in my eyes reading this.

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  24. Hi, I'm a typical INFJ as well.
    I wonder if there is any correlation between INFJ and Bordeline Personality Disorder? I've had Borderline, and my biggest problems were my strong feelings overwhelming me and how I got affected by other people's mood ans was completely unable to concentrate on my own well-being. This seems very connected to INFJ-personality, doesn't it?
    The reason at all till why I got ill and still suffer some difficulties is my high standards. If I don't get 100 of 100 on a test I feel I'm worthless, and if that is connected to how my brain works, will I ever be able to get over my performance anxiety? To be able to feel I am good enough and be satisfied with my work?
    Of course a lot of other personalities get Borderline, but is it overrepresented among INFJ:s? Or any other mental disorder that concerns feelings, moods and sensitivity?


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    1. I have some traits of borderline and have been pumped with antidepressants since I turned 18. After researching about the INFJ profile, I have worked out why certain situations have manifested themselves in my life and have felt completely misunderstood. I don't believe I need pills to help me anymore after understanding about the INFJ profile.

      My brother - an INTP - has borderline personality disorder, as does my Dad INTJ. BPD can be inherited from family members. Maybe there is a correlation between IN's?

      It's strange but I think my most happiest was as a student when I worked as a carer for the elderly. I could freely be warm and caring to vulnerable adults who needed me. It was the best job I ever had.

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    2. I'm INFJ too, and while I don't have BPD, I've read much about it & am oddly fascinated by it. I actually found out about it when I inadvertently made a character I wrote for a story exhibit many traits of BPD. It was a pretty "whoa" moment for me.

      I do have inattentive ADD though, and that's brings up a bunch of interesting thoughts and challenges. Pretty sure I inherited that from my mom.

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    3. I'm an INFJ, and I loved seeing this post. I would really not be surprised if INFJs were highly represented among the BPD population, especially in regards to INFJs with abuse histories. That push/pull action in BPD relationships is similar to the INFJ need to be around people while still needing alone time and lots of privacy, albeit on a much more exaggerated level. I myself have been abused and have been diagnosed with borderline features. It's still difficult to distinguish between "learned" traits I was forced to adopt during abuse and my true personality at times.

      To the anonymous INFJ who unwittingly created a story character who fit the BPD diagnosis--I've done that, too, with a myriad of diagnoses. My characters have a tendency to be disturbed, haha.

      I'm also very in touch with others' feelings, but I've almost made myself pay less attention to this because I feel like others will feel like I'm prying into their heads if I talk to them while "in touch" with them like that. That's how strong that ability is for me. I also sometimes get the terrifying feeling that people can see right through me to my thoughts and feelings, because I forget most people are not nearly so perceptive as that, LOL. I'm only just now realizing the connection between that feeling and my being able to "read" people (actually it's almost more like I "EXPERIENCE" them).

      Thank you for this post. I really enjoyed it. :)

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  25. I would agree with a correlation between INFJ and Borderline Personality Disorder. Reading this I am a classic INFJ and i have been given a BPD diagnosis. It's hard, I wanted to cry reading this. I'm not the only one, the hardest thing is feeling everyone else's emotions and trying to separate them from my own. Acceptance is all i want as i know most people will never understand me.

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  26. I am 44 years old. A mother of four. Homeschooled my children. Ballet teacher. Married for 20 years to a man nearly a decade older than myself. I am a writer. I have struggled my entire life - wondering what in the world was wrong with me. Sensed I was different than most. Always feel like an outsider but never willing to let many in. Love being in my home. Love my family. Love my husband. Love being a mother. Love being a stay at home mom. Love my parents tremendously. Fiercely loyal. Despise dishonesty. Cannot tolerate a disloyal or dishonest person. Took the test. Discovered I am INFJ. Never felt so relieved in my life. Now I understand everything. #4 is absolutely legit.

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  27. I literally teared up reading this. I'm an INFJ and have always felt out of step or out of place with the rest of the world. To know that I'm not alone is such a freeing experience. Every one of these related to me in one way or another. So True! and so happy to know I'm not a freak

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  28. All my life I felt like I didn't belong to this world, that nobody was like me or I was not like anybody else. I never understood why I felt constantly conflicted by what I aspired to be in my head and what I actually was in the physical world. I always felt a terrible yearning to change the world for the better that never matched my abilities to actually say or do anything about it. I never understood why I could so easily spot insincerity and dark motives of others and yet nobody else could see it. Nobody who really knows me can grasp my complexity, least of all myself. Last week I found out about INFJ personality and it was like a massive fireworks display going off in my head - as I read about the INFJ personality type, for the first time in my life I felt that somebody understood me and that I was not alone in the universe. I have yet to find a way to make my internal psychological/philosophical/moral/religious/idealistic life align with my physical actuality and my work in life...but now I know that I must seek this until I find it and there can be no rest until I do...this is the only way to find fulfillment for me. Discovering the INFJ personality type and understanding it, and more importantly feeling like I am understood and that I am not the only one has brought huge healing to my heart, and new courage to find my calling and destiny in this world instead of simply suffering a dull and painful "adequate" life. Adequate is fine for 98% of people, but not for me, and now I know that I am not the only one in the universe who experiences the internal conflicts that I do.

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  29. #9 especially was a great relief. I am always unable to articulate my thoughts and it frustrates me to death because I have so much going on in my head and I can't get it out. I have begun to just start saying " I don't know." to any question I'm asked because I will never be able to say everything in my mind. And when I finally know how to express myself, the person isn't there to hear it. I know I am always thought of as the slow student in my class and it is very frustrating. But when I found out my personality as an INFJ, I was overjoyed. I could finally understand everything about myself. Everything made sense and I no longer feel like an oddball. I am instead a limited edition of some of the most colorful people. I'm only 16 and I have already had such a relief to know this because I can finally make sense of everything and it is clear as day. I'm not going to ramble on, but for anyone who wants to get to know me, I am going to show them these articles on INFJ. Also, one of the things I learned is we often show our feelings for people through a sort of humor. I know it sounds cold, but I almost never tell the people around them how much I love them. Instead I tell lots of jokes, poke their buttons, and I hope they understand this is how I show my love for them. I wonder if thats true for other INFJ'S.

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  30. So true. I am an INFJ. When i am able to help anyone in need, my eyes are filled with tears of joy!! I cannot express that feeling. Money is no where in importance but only the love of people matters.

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  31. INFJ - I am really enjoying the blog. Thank you.

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  32. Hello fellow INFJ's.I found this very late in life.I am truly at peace.
    So many years of beating myself up.
    Not fitting in.
    Still hard.
    Family never got me.
    Nevr believed my intuition.

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  33. Can absolutely relate to everything - of course I can, I'm an INFJ! :)

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  34. This explains so much for me as well! I also have BPD, but was given the INFJ label years ago and forgot about it until I started working at a career center where I help people find jobs. I'm still an INFJ, I think even more so than I was then. #8 explains why I hate Facebook and social media! I have accounts, as I don't want to be disconnected with the world, but the thought of having to keep up with every person I've ever met often overwhelms me and it is not fun for me like it is for other people. Others probably don't feel the same obligation and guilt that I do if I don't keep in touch with everyone and sadness and feel rejected and left out because of it, even though I really prefer being by myself or a couple of close people. I am perfectly content spending Friday night sitting at room watching TV or doing something with my roommates, but I often feel guilty as if I "should" be out enjoying being in my 20's and going out and meeting new people. But that is not enjoyable to me at all. That is stressful and a lot of work. I much prefer me and my girlfriends doing spa night or a even myself watching a movie or reading by myself.

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  35. I have to say, as an INFJ, I do well being around a few people for a limited amount of time each day. The intuitive/empath part of me needs those people to be positive energy types. Negative energy people or those going through an emotionally turbulent time are quite difficult to be around. I don't do well with what I call emotional bleeders. I do a lot better around people who are emotionally contained.

    As for feeling misunderstood, you hit the nail on the head. An INFJ child with linear, non-intuitives left its mark. To this day, I struggle also with too much stimuli. TV OR conversation. Conversation OR radio. Conversation OR TV OR touch...but anytime there are three points of stimuli or more, I'm likely to lose it and shut down or react in anger.

    Loved the post.

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  36. This may be stretching your expertise, but what are your opinions on INFJs in polyamorous relationships?

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    1. I actually don't have any experience in this area but am interested to see if anyone else does. Hopefully some others readers may see your comment and be able to help! Thanks for commenting!

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  37. I am in shock and relieved at the same time.
    As I write this, I am on the verge of the end of my 15-year relationship. Here I was, ready to mark my problems down to unhealthy behavior patterns, but now see could all be a result of my being an INFJ?! I can't get my head around it, but everything about it makes sense. And yet, I can't believe it.

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  38. As An Anonymous INFJ states: "In my experience, the most misunderstood part of an INFJ is how we feel everything those around us feel. We do not sympathize. We do not empathize. We literally feel exactly what you feel. Even if you are trying to hide it or don't express your feelings, somehow we still know."

    I wish people would understand that about me...i can really understand a person very well and i can help others get better,but i also cannot be lied and i detect lies very easily,and when i see someone lying or hiding something from me,i immediately go into my shell...maybe that's why we are so introvert,because we read people so well and have a tendency to see exactly what isn't ok with them and how their weaknesses could hurt us..

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    1. Yes. I can 'read' a person, take in the whole of who they are, very quickly. I try to hide this from them, so as not to upset them, & control my outer affect so they don't realize that I can see 'who & what they are.' I give people the benefit of the doubt. I used to feel angry that I am so considerate of others, but they are not of me. I have been able to come to terms with this somewhat because of reading about the different personality types. This helps me be more accepting of people's behavior when they are are not accepting of me (as I am of them). A very perceptive karate teacher(he was probably an INFJ), told me to trust my intuition when sparring because it was very good.

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  39. Reading about myself helps flush all this chameleon effect stuff down, so I can better see which are my emotions and which are just feels from other people. Not that I mind its just confusing sometimes.
    Thank you for posting this

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  40. I read about typology when I was 12 yrs old. I couldn't really understand it and I just kinda forgot about it. Thirteen years later, I started to believe I'm the crazy one and I might need some help. After reading all these, including all the comments, now I feel like I can survive on planet earth even with all my quirks. Thank you.

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  41. I'm glad I'm not the only one who often feels misunderstood. Whenever I feel that way, I tell myself it's a juvenile feeling and that I'm not a teenager anymore (haven't been in over a decade). Knowing that I actually am misunderstood (being a rare personality type) as opposed to self pitying, makes me feel better and more comfortable with myself. The knowledge doesn't help with the loneliness, though.

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  42. "INFJs are introverted thinkers and extroverted feelers. Because of this, we can struggle to articulate our thoughts."

    No, INFJs are Introverted Intuitives with auxiliary Extraverted Feeling. Introverted Thinking is the third function, meaning that it's one of their less conscious functions. In other words, in the typical case, it will be significantly less developed than it would be in IxTPs or even ExTPs of the same age,as it is typically subordinated to the first two functions. The difficulty with self-expression is actually related to dominant Introverted Intuition, however. (See Haas and Hunziker's work on the functions for more about this.)

    Also, even if Introverted Thinking _were_ the first function, that still would not justify the claim that "this type is very intelligent." The Myers-Briggs inventory is a self-report inventory and does not involve any standardized method of assessing intelligence. Similarly, function tests (like Darios Nardi's) are also self-report and are not equipped to actually measure the extent to which an individual uses that function as well as they claim to. So, even if we could determine statistically that certain functions were related to qualities associated with intelligence, we still would need to develop a radically different measure of assessment to determine the actual degree of mastery that the person possessed.

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    1. I completely agree with everything you have stated though I think you misunderstood what I have said. I did not say that introverted thinking was our primary function, I just stated that we are introverted thinkers (I didn't feel the placement was relevant for the oversimplified point of which I was trying to make). I agree that our dominant Ni function plays a large role in our struggle for self-expression especially when paired with Fe. The combination of our functions is what makes most of these statements true (as is the case with all personality type traits). I don't believe we can pin point any personality's traits to a single function. I was merely simplifying the point for those who are not as familiar with functions as a whole.

      As for your second point, I never claimed that INFJs are of greater intelligence than any other type. I was simply debunking a misconception which, as with all MBTI traits, is not across the board for every individual. Of course there are INFJs of varying IQs, but I wanted to point out the error in the assumptions made based on our general inability to articulate the bulk of our thoughts.

      I apologize if you misunderstood my points but the purpose of this article was simply to scrape the surface of our personality type. Thank you, however, for sharing further thoughts and resources for those readers who are interested in delving deeper into the specifics of this type.

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  43. Thank you. Thank you for writing this. I loved every point. I have always had such a hard time explaining my way of thinking and feeling things. I used to feel so very lost and articles like this help the people in my life to see what's happening. I can't thank you enough for writing this...and by the way. It's dead on. I read some of the comments that were offended by what you stated. I have a hunch they may not be INFJ.
    I will be sharing this and I encourage you to write more in regards to this topic.
    Thanks again.

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    1. WeINFJs intuit many things which are difficult to put into words. That's why I love classical music; it expresses ideas that cannot be expressed in words.

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  44. As an INFJ I am very impressed with this description! All of these describe me perfectly. Sometimes the intuitive part of me (#1) scares people and I get a little bit of sadistic pleasure out of it and then of course feel extremely bad about it and beat myself over the head because of my drive for perfection. Being a Catholic, my aim for perfection is even more driven than most people and every time I commit a sin, I feel extremely guilty because I'm not perfect. Thank God for Jesus! Last thing, I find that if I talk through my feelings and knowledge about something (#9) with somebody, I come to the conclusions I couldn't come to even on my own! Thanks for this!

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  45. This article is fantastic. Especially #1... except for one thing. Growing up in an abusive household, I learned to shut out the emotions of others; because of this, I don't "feel" the way I used to. But I'd like to be able to regulate the degree of other's emotions that I feel instead of totally shutting them out... any advice?

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    1. I grew up in an abusive household and did some 'shutting out' of others emotions as well. I've learned to put a 'label' on what I was feeling. I started calling out what the emotion was and started thinking through why I might be thinking that way. It took a few years of this before I felt competent enough to start dealing with other peoples emotions. I also needed to set up some boundaries-allowing others to own their OWN emotions instead of taking it all upon myself. THEY are in charge of themselves. I now run a womans group, so all the labeling of my own emotions and helping others to process their own has helped. Give yourself time to heal. Don't be in a rush. Life is a journey. The in-betweens matter just as much as the final product!!!

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  46. Number 1 was startling for me to read, because it explains exactly what I learned about myself when I became a phlebotomist at a lab; "We literally feel exactly what you feel. Even if you are trying to hide it or don't express your feelings, somehow we still know." I was told that the patients felt very much at ease around me. That is because INFJs give people the benefit of the doubt & try to understand them. I think that is why they make good counselors/psychiatrists. Being a perfectionist is the most difficult aspect for me because I never feel satisfied & I am very hard on myself. I need to feel that decisions are made, but my perfectionism makes that difficult. I wish I was a different personality type; life is difficult as an INFP. However, listening to classical music is extremely rewarding; I can feel things that most people cannot when listening to it; Schuman's 1st piano concerto had me in tears.

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  47. Thank you! Especially after reading number four and laughing at the fact that yes, I might be "different" than the rest and regarded as "alone" when it comes to some of the standards of today's world, but I not when it comes to my fellow INFJers... Can truly say my whole point of view of myself and the world has changed since my discovery! I revel in this!

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  48. So true, all of it.. And #4 really went straight to my heart. I'm 22 and recently knew about mbti and infj.. My most significant discovery yet..

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  49. number 4 is so true for me ... realising that im not ''weird'' but simply very different from others because INFJ is one of the rareless MBTI personalities ...

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  50. it is strange to understand so little yet, know so much. i took a psychology class recently and discovered my title. i have yet to discontinue the research for answers because i only crave more and more. It is pure serendipity to have come across this, i am glad i am not alone here.

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  51. Lovely lucid intelligent article. I am an ENTP and have finally found an INFJ who is now my GF. I first learned about INFJ's when I hugged one 12 years ago and felt I was falling into a cosmic abyss. I had a crush on her for 10 years after that hug, but she was only comfortable hiding herself which was enormously frustrating to me. On the odd occasion that she did make moves on me my reaction was (although I was potently attracted to her) like "what are you doing we have not even talked ?" (I mean REALLY talked). Two little themes in my infatuated state about her now re-occur to me; "twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder who you are" and the ugly duckling who discovers he is a beautiful swan.

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  52. I am so glad to find you!! I only discovered during the past year that I am truly an empath. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I am so eager to learn. I have tested as an INFJ consistently every time I've taken the Myers-Briggs over the past 20 years, so I guess I'm an INFJ. And, to top it all off, I qualify for MENSA membership. (I don't pay dues and I'm not an actual member. I only joined one year during college to apply for their scholarship.) I have the misfortune, though, of having experienced severe child abuse during my childhood and adolescence. I felt very rejected, even despised, by my parents. I already felt "different," but having no love or kindness or nurturing caused me deep anguish and pain, and sent me spiraling into a lifelong struggle with depression and even self-loathing. I have worked so very hard in therapy to try to move beyond the abuse, but because I feel things to deeply, I am still--to this very day--practically decimated whenever I see a child anywhere, on TV, in the news, in a public place, being abused or mistreated. I cannot stand to see an adult be cruel to a child. For any reason. There have been children being abused in public and I would step in to stop it. And then I would go home, or to my car, and weep. Just weep and cry and hurt inside as if my heart was literally going to break. I don't know if I was picking up on their own hurt and fear and pain, or if I was reliving the pain of my childhood. I often wonder and think about those children, even the children from years ago. I can see them as clearly as if I'd seen them yesterday. And I pray for them. I have prayed for some for years and years, even though I had no idea who they were. But I still see their sad little faces, their eyes filled with terror and fear. I still see them. Maybe because I'm an empath? I don't know. But thank you for your site. Thank you so much. I have always felt so alone in this world. So alone. Having a true psychopath for a parent, and a narcissist as your other parent, is a very difficult and painful ordeal for any child. I wonder if it isn't especially hard for the INFJ child. I am so grateful to read the comments here, and to realize that there are others like me! Thank you.

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  53. I discovered I am an INFJ a few years ago. I believe it was one if the most rewarding moments of my life. To learn that we are rare confirms what I always felt. I can agree with everything listed above.Most recently I have discovered I get physical symptoms when I am around many people. I used to think I was just coming down with something. But now know the empath in me is sensing the emotions of others. Some days it is so overwhelming I have to be alone and recover. On a positive side as a person who prays I use this as an opportunity to ask God for help for those around me and for strength to hold this gift with His protection and wisdom.

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  54. Dear Jennifer,
    I just recently found out that I am an INFJ. However I have known that I am a highly sensitive person for a couple of years now and what you describe at nr. 1 about intuition makes me believe that you might be a highly sensitive person yourself. I have always been able to feel what other people are feeling. When I was younger I was often confused about this because I didn't know yet they were someone else's feelings, I mistook them for my own. So, if you recognize something of my story, you might want to check out this website: http://www.hsperson.com/
    Love -

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  55. Hello Jennifer,

    Thank you SO MUCH for this... I'm 41 years old and only recently tried some MB tests because a friend suggested it would be interesting to do. Reading this left me in tears of profound relief... As someone mentioned: I'm not broken, or a freak, or weird... Just a typical INFJ. I'm directing my close friends to this article! It is an incredible empowering to find out that I'm not alone, and there are others who think and feel the same way. Truly, this article is a blessing!

    Thank you so much!

    Paul

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  56. The point about only needing one person is so true. My whole life I've felt like a freak for only really needing one other true friend. I seriously thought I was anti-social and only recently discovered that I'm an INFJ. However, although I love my solitude I do get jittery being alone for too long and really am a social creature even though small talk does make me a bit frustrated. Amazing, how after all of these years I'm reading such accurate descriptions of myself!

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  57. I love all of your points! I especially love your number 4! I'm was literally thinking was wrong with me all the time. But I learned that I was an INFJ, and now I understand a lot of who and what I am and why I think like I do. It's so awesome. Thanks! God bless!

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  58. Thank you so much for this list it has helped me realize that I'm not alone. All the points that you have listed, seem like they were written in reflection of me.

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  59. I don't think I'm saying anything different than everyone else who has posted. I do feel compelled to share with the group that this has been extremely helpful for me to understand why I do what I do and why I feel what I feel. As an INFP, I've always live life thinking that people don't believe me and don't believe my sincerity and no one really understands me. 4 and 9 really spoke out to me. And while it might seem like we need to live our lives pleasing others...i am okay with spending the rest of my life caring for those who truely mean the world to me. I do feel like this was written for me too. I wholeheartedly thank you.

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  60. I can relate to it so much.I am an INFJ and I have always felt out of the place. I am a recent graduate.I have been working in a company for the last 8 months as a web developer and I absolutely hate it. I feel like people don't get me. They often see my sincerity as a weakness, my humbleness as showing off and my helpfulness as flirt. Sometimes I lie awake in bed and think about where is my life going. But I thank God for my loving family. They support me and care for me. It's really good to connect all the people who are INFJs here. We are unique and we bring joy to this world even if we are completely shattered inside.

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    Replies
    1. I get that. The same person that introduced myers briggs to me thinks I'm weird.

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  61. THANK YOU!!! This blog gives me hope and reinforcement that I am loved, unique and ok!
    We are all here for a reason! I pray that God continually uses each of us to touch others through love and compassion!

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  62. ohhh!! I want to share sth. I'm 28 I could never make friends, felt always "a freak", felt lonely, been through a drug addiction, have been always (yes ;) ) talented but felt strange and worse cuz never "fit in". Few days ago i have discovered MBTI, made a test, i'm pure INFJ. Every thing fits to me. I'm so happy. I finally feel normal and I feel free to live the way i want. No more searchings for "what is wrong with me?". female/poland

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  63. I think my boyfriend is an INFJ because he always knows exactly how I'm feeling and I can't explain how he knows he just knows. Sometimes he can articulate my feelings better than I can! It's truly amazing! He always knows when I'm upset even when I do my best to hide it and no one would ever notice but he notices. He is also very intuitive about other people and I have learned to trust it. He is also the warmest and gentlest person I've ever met and he is so careful with my feelings. He is so creative and has many interests and talents. He is an incredibly intelligent and imaginative thinker. I am so grateful to know him and I have to say that INFJ's are truly amazing people and very worth getting to know!

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  64. Hi.... im an infj too. I lovr being who I am and it makes me feel better to know that there are people who are just like me.... but the bad thing is that I never seem to find one and be friends with them :( The only thing I hate is that people don't understand us at all.... they just assume we are stupid and strange and not at their level.... some extroverts for example think we only deserve to be ignored. We are such wonderful people and I LOVE INFJ

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  65. I seem to have stumbled across this much later than most people who left a comment, but I felt compelled to because I had tears in my eyes when I read this. It described me almost perfectly. I found out my personality type is INFJ earlier this year and just knowing that there are other people who think the same way I do is a relief. I often feel that I am weird, awkward or just out of place. Anyway, it is comforting to know that I'm not the only person who thinks this way.

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I love hearing from you! While differing opinions are more than welcome, please keep comments appropriate and friendly. Any comment that directly attacks myself or another will be removed. Thank you!

Jennifer Soldner: Joyfully Freefalling

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